When will I learn?
by We Came With Silence
Summary: After attempting to end his life, Ciel allows Sebastian to teach him how to live and how to love. Can his butler protect him from the supernatural, as well as himself? (Depressing themes. Sebaciel fluff, M just in case. Trigger warning. Bad Summary, I promise.)
1. Chapter 1

I couldn't do it anymore. It was like everything I knew was crashing down upon itself, one thing after the next, taking bits and pieces of my sanity with. I hadn't told anyone about my plans. Why would I? It was pointless to tell, because I knew it would mean ruthless watching of my overprotective butler and not to mention my fiance. I wasn't dumb, and I wasn't stupid. I didn't make a will, I didn't show sudden affection. I hid my plans deep down inside my mind, away from all prying eyes and fingers. And that's alright. The day had come.

The meal was just as good as any other – salmon smoked to perfection with white wine – and perhaps even better. I took my time, chewing two bites longer, savoring. I was allowed to, it was my last meal. I wouldn't call it that. No, last meals were for prisoners. I was on no death sentence. If anything, I was escaping from a jail, not being put out of my misery like some animal.

I could sense Sebastian watching me from the corner of my eye. Forcefully, I told myself that he knew nothing, he couldn't have. My fears were settled when the only thing he did was wipe a small smudge of asparagus from the corner of my mouth. "There you are, my lord." was his only words, and silence filled the air after.

I waited so long until I heard Sebastian's door close for the night. The moon had risen from the horizon slower than I would have liked, but none the less. I had picked out my method from hundreds and even thousands. Out in the small wood area a distance away from the house, the plants that grew were not tended by Sebastian nor Finny. I had stumbled upon them by accident as I was first beginning my plans, and by the small book of poisons I found in the library when I was returning one of Charlotte Bronte's book of poems, I had discovered it was oleander. It caused heart attacks and other failures, and it was just what I needed.

I ran a bath, not bothering to heat up the water (As this would take up too much time) and as it filled I began to write a note. I wrote that I left all of my belongings to Elizabeth, and the company to- I paused in scrawling. Who do I leave the company to? Elizabeth couldn't handle it, she was merely a girl. I couldn't leave it to Lau, or Sebastian. 'Ah,' I thought pleasantly, 'I'm sure Prince Sama would like that.' I wrote just those thoughts. I looked at the ink for a moment before I wrote the final willings. I stopped the tub from running, the water just close enough to the edge for me.

I took the five small oleander leaves in my fingers, and without hesitation, put them in my mouth one at a time. They tasted like nothing at first, but bitter when I bit down, chewing diligently before swallowing it down with left over tea that I had requested earlier that evening at my bath. My deed was done, and this was my final moments. I picked up the pen I was writing with, and wrote my final sentence.

"And my soul is to belong to Sebastian Michaelis."

I stared at it for a moment before I nodded contentedly, rolling the paper up into a cylinder and tying it gently with the eyepatch, mostly because I had nothing else to do it with. By then the oleander was setting in, and I was getting dizzy as my heartbeat hitched. A small, unamused smile crossed my face as I half stumbled to the bath, sinking into the freezing water completely clothed. I closed my eyes, blowing outwards under the water. If the oleander didn't kill me, drowning would. As I waited those final moments patiently, I recited my favorite poem from Charlotte in my mind.

_There's little joy in life for me,  
>And little terror in the grave;<br>I've lived the parting hour to see  
>Of one I would have died to save.<em>

_Calmly to watch the failing breath,  
>Wishing each sigh might be the last;<br>Longing to see the shade of death  
>O'er those beloved features cast.<br>The cloud, the stillness that must part  
>The darling of my life from me;<br>And then to thank God from my heart,  
>To thank Him well and fervently;<em>

_Although I knew that we had lost  
>The hope and glory of our life;<br>And now, benighted, tempest-tossed,  
>Must bear alone the weary strife.<em>


	2. Chapter 2

But no, it doesn't end there. It couldn't be simple.

When I came to, I didn't open my eyes at first. The inside of my nose hurt, as if I was still drowning, but my body felt warm. Was this what death felt like? It couldn't be. I had seen hundreds of dead before, and they all looked the same: cold, clammy, lifeless and simply _dead._ I imagined that's what it felt like to die, not pleasant and relaxing, even. It's when I opened my eyes did I realize that I wasn't dead.

_I wasn't dead. _

I was angry that it didn't work, that I had sat alone with myself and planned my own death for so long and to have failed. I failed myself, and I failed everyone that would have benefited from it. I was angry that someone must have interfered with it. Probably that damn butler. He couldn't ever let me be happy, could he? The one time that I would be happy, the one time and it was ruined.

I sat up from the blankets and the pillows that surrounded me, dressed in one of my winter nightgowns for the times that it was unbearably cold. A fire was going, crackling quietly, mocking me, as if to sneer, "You're such a failure." The curtains were closed at the window, perhaps to keep me from seeing out or maybe people seeing in. I felt extremely ill suddenly, probably from sitting up too suddenly, and had to lay back down to get rid of the nausea feeling. It was an odd feeling, my head with pressure as if it was going to explode, and my body like it was going to implode. I became acquainted with the ceiling as I tried to force the feeling to subside.

After a bit of trying to remember what happened, the doorknob turned, and the door pushed open very gently as to not make noise and disturb me. I propped myself up a bit so I wouldn't have to completely sit up and make myself sick again, and my heart raced as I saw Sebastian. It was impulse that spoke. "You can't ever let me be happy, can you?" My voice was accusing, angry, and shook with disbelief that he would even dare to show his face to me. "I wanted one thing, and you had to take it from me!"

"I see you're awake," was all that he replied. It sounded exhausted, even relieved.

"I tried to make your job easy. You ruin everything!" I felt my chest get heavy with emotion. "I hate you, I hate you so much!"

"You can hate me all that you would like," Sebastian said calmly, gently, as if his words were being directed to no more than a child. "I did what was necessary, in all due respect."

"Why would you ruin it?" I babbled on, not even truly thinking about what I said. "You ruined everything, just like always!" When he didn't answer me, I only grew angrier. "Speak!"

Sebastian watched me with a cool expression, as if he was drinking up the image of what he saw. Finally, he spoke. "I could ask you the same thing, my lord," He said, and instead of trying to come to me, he went to the fire to feed it. He continued on as he knelt. "If you wanted to die, all you would have to do is ask."

"Fine then!" I said, moving to sit forward onto my knees. The blankets were heavy, and I had a small struggle holding my blankets. "I want to die! I want to feel the hurt of every word I've ever spoke, every breath I've breathed, every command I've snapped, I want to feel it all!"

"No."

"What do you mean no?!"

"I won't allow you to end your life. It's cowardly," Sebastian said simply, standing up. He didn't even as so much glance at me.

"Then end it for me!"

"You must rest," He said, pulling on the white gloves he had taken off to touch the ashes.

"No!"

"You must regain your strength," My butler came to the bed, leaning over it slightly to gently push me back down to be laying down. "You inhaled quite a bit of water. You'll hurt yourself." When I began to fight back to sit up (which wasn't very much energy, my body was incredibly exhausted) he kept his hand firm against my chest to hold me still. Betrayal fled through my body, and my attempts weakened.

"All I want to do is die," I cried, giving a final attempt before I let my hands off of his arm and used them to cover my face. No where and no how was I going to cry, as much as the lump in my throat wanted me to. I pressed my knuckles into my closed eyeballs, trying to steady my breathing. "There's no point any more. I don't want to live."

"Within time," Sebastian said quietly, pulling the blankets up to cover me once more. "Now rest. If for not your sake, then mine." His eyes were pleading, and his touch more gentle than usual as he pressed his hand against my forehead. I gave a shaky breath. "Please," he whispered, touching my cheek before he pulled his hand back.

I turned my head, back facing him, burying my face into the linen pillow case. I couldn't gather enough will to answer him, to make any comment in fact. My energy was spent in those five or six minutes that Sebastian had been there. I couldn't bring myself to look at him either.

I heard him sigh very very softly. "Oh young master. What will we ever do with you?"


	3. Chapter 3

((AN: NVCiel: the time it takes place is after Alois was killed in season II. I'm altering the plot, so most stuff that happened in the anime won't happen here.

Thank you all for the support thus far. This chapter is written on my phone, and I apologize for any errors.))

It's hard to find something you enjoy when everything is tainted with a bad memory. I felt exactly that; everything that I had loved had become disgusting to me. I no longer wanted to eat, for it all tasted rotten to me. I no longer wanted to sleep, for my nightmares haunted my every dream. I no longer wanted to even look at Sebastian, for he lurked in every thought I could think. I began to hate everything, and with time, I became part of that category. It wasn't something I could control; my emotions were so controlled outside that I refused to let myself feel on the inside. It became numb to me.

I suppose it all started when I heard from newspapers and other nobility word that Alois Trancy had died of 'unknown causes'. I certainly wasn't dumb, and I knew better. Sebastian had allowed me to know that the pathetic excuse for a butler that blond boy had was attracted to me. Not only my soul, but my entire being. As far as I could think, that spider-fuck would ravish me without thought and throw me into a ditch next to where Trancy was found. That was almost an impossible thought to overcome; with all of the things that I had been exposed to, thinking that it could happen to me was traumatic enough. Sebastian always tried to convince me to allow him to stay in my room, to watch over me careful to insure I was in no danger, and this was before I started to become internally sick. I declined repeatedly, because as I was coming to teenage years I knew I would need my privacy in the lone hours of the night with only myself and my hand to keep me company.

I had waited and waited for Sebastian to take my soul; I was quite certain he remembered when he attempted to take my soul the first time, the words I had told him. I wanted it to hurt. I was not a good person, not on the inside. But when Sebastian found himself unable and the contract was not yet void, he assured me there was only one more person that could be the true person responsible. He would never tell me who exactly, until I stumbled across the name accidentally and he gave a few pointers. I was devastated to find that his butler had murdered him first before I could get my hands around his pale throat (as I had injured him before, and so him fighting back could not be an option). Sebastian tried to comfort my anger, and so it was my own doing that I had spiraled out of control. I had told him to leave me alone.

And so now I was, almost completely crippled with pain and sickness, waiting like a bird with a broken wing for the snake to find me (well, in this case, a spider). As long as I laid here in this damn bed, it was my territory, and Claude was not welcomed.

It was two days since the incident with the oleander and the bathtub. Sebastian hadn't spoken to me about it directly, but more catered to my every need as I needed it much like before. Most times he would check on me, check my temperature, make small talk, and leave to God knows where until he would check up on me again. I enjoyed being alone to wallow in my self pity, but soon the thoughts became repetitive. I didn't exactly like that, and so I decided I would talk with Sebastian and make a conversation rather than just stare blankly at the wall or ceiling until he left.

I looked up at Sebastian for the first time in two days when he came in for the umpteenth time, pressing an ungloved hand against my forehead for a moment. His eyes met mine, reading into perhaps my soul before he pulled back. "Your temperature is rising. Do you feel any worse than yesterday or the day before?"

I licked my lips gently, before I said, "I feel warmer than I did yesterday." Sebastian smiled softly down at me, takin away his cool hand.

"Finally deciding to speak to me? I had forgotten what your voice sounded like." Sebastian teased gently. He took a seat next to the bed, moving some pillows so he could see my face. I turned to my side, deciding to follow through with my decision.

"I thought it would be better for you if you were talking to more than the wall." I retorted, resting my chin on the remaining pillow.

"Indeed so, young master." Sebastian said softly. He watched my face for a moment, as if deciding what to say next. "Would you like a bath? I feel like you're well enough for one, if nothing else, a sponge bath."

I stiffened slightly, but nodded slowly. I was beginning to notice a smell to myself, and I'm sure it was strong to his demon senses.

"I'll run a warm bath for you." Sebastian stated. "Can you get yourself sitting so you aren't woozy when you stand?" He asked as he stood up. I nodded again in acceptance to his request, and he left to run a bath.

I felt a bit better from the last time I tried to sit, taking my time and being careful when my head would begin to pound. When I was done sitting, Sebastian came in. He strided to the bedside, and instead of helping me stand, picked me up the same way a groom does to his bride. "Put me down." I said quickly. But the damn butler refused my request.

"I'm doing what is best for you. You're not right in the mind at the moment from the illness." He said, "and I'm doing what will benefit you." A small sigh passed my lips, but I didn't push the issue.

The bath felt nice, much nicer than the water that I had almost drowned in. It was warm, hot enough to feel good and cold enough to stand. Sebastian went right to work, being overly gentle as he rubbed my skin with lavender smelling soap. The heat from the water felt nice for my sickness, as I was beginning to get a stuffy nose and the steam assuaged some of the problem. After a few minutes of gently rubbing me down, he used a cup to rinse me off. Sebastian rubbed the skin as the water slid over it, taking the bubbles with it into the water. Next was my hair, and I'll admit it felt nice as he massaged my scalp with his fingertips. I could imagine all the grease and nastiness being cleansed from my hair, and it helped make myself feel better, at least temporarily.

I was allowed to sit in the bath for a bit longer, somewhat like a vegetable in a pot of water, but nonetheless. Sebastian stood and kept eye on me, and I was convinced that he would not leave me alone with anything dangerous ever again for as long as I lived. The more that the thought boiled in my head, the angrier I felt. I couldn't explain to him how I felt inside. He wouldn't understand. How could he not trust me? Did I ruin the faith too much? It wasn't fair. None of it was fair. I'm sure he was judging me. He had no right to!

"Sir?" Sebastian's voice spoke softly, breaking my train of thought. I realized I was holding on tightly to the edge of the bathtub, my knuckles white. "I think it's time we get you back to bed. Is that okay?"

"Yes. That's fine." I said, slightly snappy. I stood with his help and hot out, dripping on the mat for a moment as he draped the towel over my shoulders. He helped me to my room, drying me off on the way there. Sebastian redressed me in a clean nightgown, a lighter one that I would use for summer. He instructed I climbed back into the bed, and I did just that. I had become exhausted suddenly, physically tired as my mind raced.

"My lord?" Sebastian said, breaking the silence. "Do you want anything to eat or drink?"

"I wish to sleep for now. I'll eat when I wake again." I said, burrowing down into the now-cold covers. It felt nice against my burning skin, which I noticed now that I did have a fever.

"As my lord wishes." Sebastian said, helping me get comfortable. I watched his face as he tucked me in. He looked more human like, looking tired as if he hadn't slept in at least a month. Subconsciously I reached up to touch the small darkened spots under his eyes, careful not to poke his auburn orbs out. The butler looked down at me questioningly.

"You look tired." I stated. Sebastian chuckled softly, lowly but contently.

"Looking after you isn't an easy job." He teased gently. I closed my eyes, biting back a retort. I felt his lips against my forehead for a brief moment, and then he pulled back. "Sleep well, little one."


	4. Chapter 4

My head pounded when I woke up from my slumber, perhaps from not eating as much as I should. The fire had gone out, except for a few sparkling embers at the base of the ashes. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up carefully. The silence almost hurt my ears, so quiet that one could think that everyone dropped dead while I was sleeping. The doorknob turned, and I jumped, startled, as Sebastian pushed open the door. I relaxed when I saw it was him, relaxing back into my pillows.

"Did you sleep well?" Sebastian asked me, gently touching my forehead once he pulled his gloves off. When I nodded, the corner of his mouth turned upwards slightly. "You snored in your sleep."

"I do not snore." I defended, scowling. He only chuckled.

"Ah, but you do." Sebastian teased. "Are you hungry? I've prepared vegetable soul with a beef broth if you are." He said, gesturing to the corner of the silver cart that propped the door open. When I nodded, he pulled it the rest of the way in and allowed the door to close. I sat up properly, setting a thin pillow in my lap to hold the bowl. My butler ladled the soup from the white pot to the bowl, setting a spoon in the steaming soup before handing it over. "Will you be able to eat without assistance?"

"Of course. I'm not a baby." I retorted, stirring the broth and blowing on it softly. I could feel his eyes on me, watching my every move with care. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't after my first, second, and third bite passed. I turned my head to look at him. "Why are you watching me?"

"I'm making sure you're alright. That you're comfortable." Sebastian said with ease, as if he expected me to say something.

"Why?"

Silence for a moment followed. "Because that is what I do. It is my job."

"I know that. But why, all of a sudden, do you care for me so much? Before I slept, you kissed my forehead. I'm not delusional. I felt it." I said, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Because I'm worried about you."

"You weren't worried about me before."

"I was." Sebastian frowned gently.

"Obviously not."

"You weren't sick before."

"You make it sound like there's a cure."

"Enough."

"But-"

"I said, that is _**enough.**__" _Sebastian's voice was firm, sudden, even angry sounding. "Now eat your soup. Don't make me tell you again." After being used to getting my way, Sebastian's sternness shut me up quickly. I looked away from him and into the bowl, taking another bite. It was silent for a long time, and it seemed like forever before I finished the soup. I had eaten quickly, having realized how hungry I actually was. There was so much that was spoken in the silence.

When I gave the bowl to him, shaking my head to seconds, I heard him sigh very very softly. "I'm sorry I snapped at you." He apologized. He gave no other reasons to why, but it was an apology. I nodded my head a little.

"'t's okay." I mumbled, looking at my trimmed fingernails. I was confused on why he was quick to anger so suddenly.

"You don't understand how much it angers me to hear you say things like that." Sebastian said. "You value your life so much less than what it deserves to be held at. It's very puzzling. Most humans, as you know, are very prideful. They think of themselves as the Queen of England rather than the lowly scum they are. But you," he paused, and he sat down on the chair beside the bedside. "You are the opposite. You're so close to the throne, high-bred, nobility that even aristocrats dream of. And yet, you view yourself so low. You under-appreciate yourself. It's very frustrating."

"What are you saying?" I asked, finally looking at him.

"I'm saying, you mean more than you think to people."

"That's not true." I stated.

"That _is _true. You don't see it, as many people don't." Sebastian leaned across the bed to rebutton the top button to my nightgown. "You're wrapped up in your own world of, maybe, fantasies. Fantasies that aren't true."

"And how do you know that?" I prompted.

"Time will tell." Sebastian said, gently patting my hand with his before he pulled back. He completely changed subjects as he stood up. "Doctor Kennedy will be in at 5 for a professional check up. My scrubs are in the wash." He joked, smiling softly. "Would you like to do anything until then?"

"I would like to read." I said after a moment. I couldn't let myself become dumb over something like this.

"Of course, sir. Anything in particular?"

"Candide. Voltaire." I said. "His writings are influential."

"Naturally." Sebastian commented, pushing the cart with the soup out of the room. I rested my head down on the pillow as I waited, and within no time Sebastian returned with the green covered novel and a set of matches to light the candle beside my bed so I wouldn't have to strain my eyes to read. I snuggled into my pillows as I opened the cover, straightening out the blanket, and began. _How Candide was brought up in a magnificent castle..._


	5. Chapter 5

((AN: thank you for all the support thus far. Please, please, please review and follow the story, it gives me motivation.))

The doctor was late to the house, arriving at 5:20 rather than 5 sharp (I was sure any tip he would have gotten was gone by now, because Sebastian's third rule to being a happy person was to be punctual). The curtains were drawn to let in light before Kennedy was let in. I recognized him; he was the same doctor that I had visited when I was younger while my parents were still breathing. "Ah, Lord Phantomhive." He greeted, setting the small maroon medical bag on the bedside. "I haven't seen you since you were this tall." He held his hand by his mid thigh, and I have a half hearted laugh to make him feel better about his joke.

"Yes, I remember." I said. "I'm sure my butler has told you all of the details?"

"Actually, he hadn't." Kennedy said, pulling on a pair of pristine linen gloves. "He had told me you had a fever, and that he was worried it was something harmful. I would love to hear what happened."

I took a deep inhale from my nostrils, putting together some kind of story. The family name would be ruined if anyone found out that the child of Vincent and Rachel Phantomhive tried to kill himself. "I was exploring the woods and I had mistaken oleander for sweet onion." I said smoothly. "I felt woozy, and accidentally fell into a lake while walking beside it a few minutes later."

"That will do it alright." Kennedy said, nodding slowly. "So, lung damage and poisoning. You look much better for someone who has encountered a breath of death."

"My butler has taken care of me."

"I would expect nothing less." He said simply. "I'm going to do some simple tests to make sure your reflexes are in order, and that no brain damage happened." I scooted over to the side of the bed, dangling my legs over. The cool air lapped at my skin, making me shiver gently at the touch. Taking a small white stick in his hand, he said, "open your mouth and say ah." I did just that, looking up at him as he jammed the stick into my mouth and pushed my tongue down without much mercy. He peered down my throat for a moment before pulling the wooden stick out and writing a few things on the paper he had.

The next test was for him to hit my knee with a rubber hammer. I didn't get the point of it at first, but after a few times, my leg swung upwards without me moving a muscle. It felt odd, to watch my body do something I didn't want it to do.

The next tests involved him using his stethoscope against my skin to feel my heart. First, he pressed the cold metal against my chest, and told me to breathe in and out deeply. I did exactly that. He then moved it to my back and asked me to do the same thing, and I complied. After a few times of that, he pulled back and wrote some more stuff on the paper.

The session continued for only a while longer after that, him asking me questions about different things and my opinions on topics. One of the most puzzling questions was how close I was to the remainder of my family. When I reminded him that my Aunt Angelina had died in a freak accident a year and a half ago, he chuckled and said, "Family does not mean those who are given to you by blood." How can someone be family if you aren't related? One day I am to consider Elizabeth my family, but that is all govenmental-church appointed stuff. Like, official. To answer his original question I said, "I love Elizabeth and her family very dearly." Kennedy Only chuckled softly.

Finally Sebastian rapped on the door with his knuckle and said it would be best if Kennedy left so I could rest. Doctor Kennedy nodded and said of course, packing up his medical equipment. "If I may have a word with you, Mr. Michaelis."

I sat for another ten minutes in silence, wondering what he needed to speak to Sebastian about. Maybe he had read through my fib and was going to tell him that I was an awful person, that I couldn't be trusted. Or maybe I was deathly ill with the plague and only had hours to live. I hoped it wasn't that. The plague would hurt me more than I could probably manage.

I looked up when the door opened. "Well?"

Sebastian paused to look at me. "Well, What, sir?"

"What did he tell you?"

He was quiet before he said, "he told me that you were doing well for a thirteen year old. Physically, however."

"And?"

"Mentally, you have the mind of someone twice your age. He said that that could be hurting you."

I frowned. "I'm smart, so I'm going to-?"

"That isn't what he meant." Sebastian explained, sitting in the chair. "He meant that you have a reality of the world, more than usual thirteen year olds. Your perception is much like someone 36. It can be a good thing, and it can be a bad thing. But, don't worry about that kind of thing." He said gently. "That is for me to worry about. You must rest, your body needs it." Sebastian pulled back the covers, and I slipped down into them. I waited until he was about to walk out.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes sir?"

"Will you uh, read me a story?" I asked. I wanted to show him I was getting better.

"Of course. What would you like to hear?"

I thought for a moment. "The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde."

Sebastian nodded at my request and went to retrieve it, taking along the one by Voltaire. When he came back, he sat down at the chair. I crawled up to the edge of the bed, laying to face him. Sebastian began to read and I closed my eyes, letting the words drift through my head.


	6. Chapter 6

It was quiet, almost completely quiet apart from the low hum that filled the air. It wasn't day time, and it wasn't night: only a dark sort of abyss that filled the sky around me. When I began to walk, the scrap of my shoes against the breaking concrete broke the hum. My chest felt heavy, starting in my midsection and spreading like wildfire. I picked up my pace, glancing behind me, and suddenly I felt the need to lightly jog. Quickly I had the need to run, escaping something that wasn't there. The hum turned louder, and I could hear the distinctiveness of voices. It was too familiar, and yet I kept running, unable to breathe, unable to escape, unable-

"Young master, please open your eyes."

I did just that, my eyes adjusting to the dark room. I felt sweat on my forehead, sticking my hair to my face. Instead of a satin pillow my head was buried in, it was black cloth. My senses came to me and I realized that Sebastian was holding me to his chest. His hold on me was tight, but had a gentle touch behind it.

"Let go of me." I said angrily, pushing myself away from him with my hands on his chest. But his grip Wouldn't lighten. "Are you deaf?"

"This was the third nightmare you've had since Doctor Kennedy's visit, let alone those before. Letting you alone wasn't helping-"

"Let me go, you bastard!"

"-and so I have decided for the betterment of you and your sanity-"

"Fuck your decisions!"

"-you need something to keep you company. And as you don't have any toy animals-"

"I don't need any of them!"

"-I have also decided that I am the next best thing." I felt Sebastian pull his head back to look down at me.

"I don't need you here." I snapped. But the longer I was held by him, the more.. Better I felt. I let my hands relax off his chest, only jutting my jaw out. I could almost feel him smirking softly at me. "Only because you want it. Not that I do."

"Oh no, of course my lord, I understand." He said gently. "Are you still tired?"

"I would like another story." I said, "and that will tell if I'm still tired." Sebastian nodded, and he sat up with me in his arms, turning me to face away from him. My legs dangled over his, my back pressed against his chest while one arm held my waist. When he brought The Picture of Dorian Gray over from the bed table, he tucked my head underneath his chin. As odd as it was for me to be doing this with my butler, it felt comforting, Nice, warm. Sebastian picked up where he left off, probably where he realized that I had fallen asleep.

During the reading I became aware of many things. One was Sebastian's breathing. It was rhythmic, a small rise and fall of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled. The next thing I noticed was his hold. It was different than how he usually would touch me; there was an intention or an emotion underneath all of it that made it mean so much more than the surface. I had been touched and manhandled be so many times (more than I'd like to imagine) that I could clearly make the comparison. When others picked me up or touched me, it was either very rough or very meaningless; nothing more than to try to move me from one place to another. And yet when Sebastian was holding me, even now, there was so much more than that. He held me out of... No, it couldn't be that. He couldn't hold me out of love. Demons couldn't love. Maybe he didn't want to ruin his meal. Yes, that was it. He didn't want to ruin his food.

Something about that made me wonder if I was really content with that idea. First I said yes, It was exactly what I wanted. But after I thought, I mentally shook my head. But my thoughts didn't continue from there, as Sebastian asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Of course. Keep reading." I instructed flatly. I stored my mental conversation away for later.

"Don't lie to me." Sebastian said, tilting his head down to put his mouth next to my ear. "I always can tell. Your face gets hot, and you blink a little harder than normal." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

"I was just thinking." I admitted, becoming flustered. What was this? Sebastian was pushing the line, and on purpose, and I didn't even tell him to stop!

"Perhaps you should let yourself relax." Sebastian set the book down, and turned me again with ease to face him. My knees were on either side of his lap, and he pushed gently down on the back of my head to guide me to his shoulder. I grumbled lightly on dislike, but did as he wanted, resting my head against his shoulder so my forehead was pressed against his neck. My arms were curled awkwardly between his and my chest, but my butler fixed that by moving my arms to be around him. Sebastian gently rubbed my back, and he picked up the book and began to read again. It was.. Comforting. I actually, really enjoyed it, and I couldn't find something, anything inside of me to tell him no. I didn't know what was wrong with me.


	7. Chapter 7

((AN: thank you all for the support. Don't forget to review, favorite, and follow!))

By the time Sebastian looked down at me to see if I was asleep, I was wide awake. I felt much better than I had since the incident, and frankly I was tired of looking at the same room every time I looked around. "You're awfully quiet."

"You're awfully nosey." I mumbled into his shoulder. I heard him chuckle softly at my retort.

"Would you like to eat your snack outside today? It's a beautiful day." Sebastian asked, closing the book behind me. I hesitated before I nodded. When I tried to get up, he wouldn't let me - damn him - and he picked me up in his arms.

"Put me down. You're embarrassing me." I demanded. In response he only shifted me up into one arm to be able to open the door with the other hand. "What if the others see me like this!"

"They know of your situation and they know I must be of your every assistance." Sebastian said calmly, ducking under the doorway so I wouldn't hit my head on the door frame. The last thing I needed was a concussion.

Sebastian took me outside after he reassured me I wouldn't have to change clothes, as I wouldn't be out for long. Already was there a paisley-patterned blanket laid out in the grass. "Did you think I was going to say yes?"

"You would have come out anyways. The fresh air is good for you," Sebastian glanced up at me, "I'm sure you were sick of looking at those same four walls, were you not?"

"I was." I almost sighed softly. He knew me too well.

Sebastian set me down carefully on the blanket. "I'm sure your body can handle more solid foods instead of soup." He said. Surprisingly, he sat down in front of me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, crossing my arms. "You're not supposed to do that."

"You're not supposed to be outside, but I'm almost certain you didn't complain about that being broken." He retorted smoothly. Instead of responding, I jutted my jaw and remained silent.

Sebastian had definitely made a meal for me. He laid out sautéed chicken, hard boiled eggs, and fruits chopped and mixed together of all kinds of colors. Each was covered with some sort of plastic wrap to prevent insects from eating it before I did. Sebastian unwrapped the first dish, the chicken, and began to cut it with a fork and knife. "I can cut it myself."

"I'm not giving you a fork and a knife." Sebastian said simply, which pulled a sigh out of me. He stabbed a piece of chicken with the fork before he held it to my mouth. When I refused to eat by his hand, he said, "It's either this or you go hungry." With the piece of delicious chicken dangling in front of my face, there was no way I could say no.

The chicken was perfect, still hot but cool enough that it wouldn't burn my mouth. The seasoning gave it a small spicy tingle, but not too spicy as to burn my mouth. Each bite continued to be such.

When I had eaten the majority of it, Sebastian recovered that dish and unwrapped the dish with the halved boiled eggs. He allowed me to put the salt and pepper on it, and routinely I too out the yellow yolk and set it aside before I ate the white part. I didn't like the white part, because it was too slippery and even slimy for my taste. After I managed to get that down, I ate the yolk, taking a drink of the Orange juice set for me when I would need it. The fruit, I discovered, were cantaloupes, pineapples, and honey dew, and I downed my portion quickly. I wasn't allowed chocolate yet, and it was as close as I was going to get to dessert.

When I was done eating and I was full, I caught Sebastian watching me from where he sat. I caught his gaze. "What?"

"I'm just wondering, young master." Sebastian said. He didn't move his eyes from mine.

"Wondering what, may I ask?"

"I'm wondering why you would even attempt to end something so precious."

"I can give you many reasons." I retorted, furrowing my eyebrow.

"And I'm sure all of them are examples of ones big idea." He sat back a little, leaning on his hands.

"Yeah? What's that?" I challenged.

Sebastian tilted his head at me for a moment, before he spoke. "You think you're nothing. But, you are wrong. You are perfect in every way that anyone could ever imagine." He began to lean forward. "I've watched you since the day you've come into my care and for months before that. I know you through and through, with all the flaws and the petty imperfections and yet you still mean more to me than every other disgustingly prideful human I've ever come in contact with. The way your hair falls around your face, how you bite your cheek when you're in a hard decision, I've memorized it all." His face was inches from mine, and I leaned backwards to stay away. He only persisted. "How you, deep down, care about the people you push out of your life. The way you breathe when you're asleep, how your heart beats faster when I brush your cheek accidentally while tying your eyepatch on, the way you protest over my holding you all because you're afraid I'll hurt you like those, those monsters did. But I'll tell you something right here and right now, Phantomhive, I may work the right hand shift to the Devil himself but I would never lay a hand on you in attempt to harm your shredded innocence." Sebastian's body towered over mine, which laid underneath him completely. His hands were placed on either side of my shoulders, and his face hovered over mine. And I came to a realization.

Sebastian loved me. He loved me with every hair on his head and every inch of his body, and he didn't want me to suffer. He wanted me to be happy, as I once was, and he was giving up the morals he had to have as a demon to do so. And right here, right now, with him so close to my body and even closer to my soul, I felt to him what he did to me.

"I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to be-" My voice broke, and I turned my head away. I couldn't look at him, at even the hurt in his eyes from hearing me say that.

"You deserve everything I could ever give you, Ciel." He whispered. I looked back up at him, and when I did, my butlers lips met against mine.


	8. Chapter 8

It wasn't a searing kiss, or a deep passionate one covered in lust; no, it was soft and gentle. It was a reassuring kiss. And the best part? I found myself enjoying it. His lips fit perfectly against mine, like it was meant to be.

I didn't respond at first. It wasn't my first kiss; I had kissed Elizabeth dozens of times behind closed doors, quite against her Orthodox Christian mother. But this one was so real, so compassionate. I found myself slightly upset when he pulled away. "Why did you kiss me?"

"You need to be taught how to love. Not some twisted, forced-by parents, only because you're nobility kind of love, but true love that you feel here." Sebastian pressed in the middle of my chest with his index finger.

"You don't feel love in your heart. It's in your brain."

"Perhaps so. But true love is felt here too. When everything the other person does is beautifully done, every word is romantic, every kiss as important as the one before; that is true love."

I watched his face. His hair shaped his face perfectly, well kept with some wildness to it, his eyes watching me; no, watching my souls decisions, his lips parted slightly with his fangs gently pressed against the inside of his lower lip. It wasn't even me that reached my hand up to gently touch his face, cupping his cheek gently, but at the same time it was.

His face was soft to the touch, like I pure silk. I brushed my thumb over his lower lip, and it was just as soft as his face. His mouth curved into a smile as he gently leaned his face into my hand. I drew over his eyebrow with my index finger, and finally slid my hand down a strand of hair before it rested on my chest. "You feel human." I whispered, and I heard his low chuckle.

"For what it's worth, so do you." Sebastian laughed softly, leaning down to gently kiss me again.

((AN: short chapter but I wanted to show you guys I'm still updating and keeping up with it. Another chapter soon(: ))

((AN updated: format was weird. Hope it's fixed now.))


	9. Chapter 9

The rest of the afternoon continued like that, him kissing me and me touching his face and tracing his features with my fingertips. When five o'clock came and left, introducing six, he sat up and brought me with. "I suppose it's time for dinner, soon anyways, sir." That made me frown a little.

"Why do you call me that?"

"Call you what?"

"Call me sir and such when we're alone." I stated, "Why do you do that?"

"It's only respectful. I am the butler and you are the master."

"Not really." I said, picking off a piece of leaf that managed to get into his hair. "You're a demon and I'm a human."

Sebastian chuckled softly. "But the roles that we play-"

"Fuck the roles." I said suddenly. I didn't know what came over me. "If you're going to show me what love is then I don't want you reminding me my place while we're in the midst of it." To this, Sebastian softly kissed my forehead.

"I shall remember that." He said, touching the underside of my chin once with two fingers before he stood up. I watched him stand, before taking his hand to help me up. "Is there anything you'd like for dinner specifically?"

"No. Anything is fine." I said, watching him pack the left overs from lunch into the woven basket he had brought out.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

After dinner, I agreed to get a bath. I was still confused about what I really wanted and how I felt about Sebastian becoming more my lover than butler. I wanted to make myself happy, but I didn't want to be made into a fool because I believed every word someone said. No, that wasn't me, and as much as I loved to believe Sebastian wasn't that kind of person (well, demon) I couldn't be sure. The first thing I had to figure out was if Sebastian was willing to partake in the same things that I did.

"Which soap would you like, the ivory soap from the usual seller or the complementary glycerin soap from the last time you visited Wales?" Sebastian asked as I sat in the warm bath, waiting patiently.

"It doesn't matter."

"So the glycerin soap it is." Sebastian picked up the small bar and set it on the side of the bath.

"Sebastian?" I asked after a moment of silence, gathering the courage to start to ask. "Do you ever bathe?"

"Only if I become dirty. And even then, only a sponge to the dirt is all that's required." Sebastian replied, rolling up his sleeves to his elbows.

"So you've never had a bath?"

"Not since our contract has began, no." He paused to watch me for a second, before he picked up the soap. "Why do you ask?"

I hesitated to answer. "I wanted you to get in the bath with me." I looked shyly up at him through my hair. He didn't respond at first.

"Are you sure that's the best idea?"

"You spent all afternoon with me like a lover and yet you won't get in with me." I stated, brushing my hair back to look at him. He chuckled softly.

"There is quite a difference."

"Like what?"

"You and I were clothed, completely clothed." Sebastian said smoothly. "If I were to get in the bathtub with you, I would have to take off my clothes as to not let them shrink."

"So?" I mumbled, crossing my arms as I rested against the wall of the tub.

"It wouldn't be proper."

"It wasn't be proper when-"

"Oh please." Sebastian's sudden dismissal of my retort threw me off, and I could only stare at him. Our gazes held for a moment, before Sebastian chuckled again. "I suppose one time would be acceptable."

"Yeah. Thought so." I muttered, innerly happy that he complied with what I wanted. Baths were always nice to me and I enjoyed them, and so I was thrilled he decided to join me.

My butler took off his clothing piece by piece, folding it or setting it aside out of harms way. He stripped until he got to his pants, where he almost-just almost- hesitated before he unbuttoned them. Sebastian pushed down the zipper before he slid them off, pooling around his ankles before he stepped out of them. I kept my eyes down to not look at him directly when he undressed, but when I looked over at him when he stood next to me, _**hot fucking damn**_. Starting at his shoulders, my eyes moved down, over each defined muscles across his chest, arms, and stomach, how smooth his skin was, and just how, a-hem, 'big' he was down under the belt line. As many times as I had fantasized about him (I know you have too, don't lie to me) I would have never imagined him to be so beautiful. I felt so flawed compared to him.

Sebastian settled next to me, facing me, leaning against the tub wall with spread legs as he gestured with his hands for me to come to him. I slid over, and he pulled me close to him, my back against his chest. He tucked my head under his chin, wrapping his arms around me protectively. I tensed slightly at it, but I relaxed when he laughed quietly. "Don't laugh at me." I said, quiet, but in a content way rather than accusing.

"I'm not laughing at you. I just remember telling myself, way before you, or even humanity, was created, that I would never fall into some kind of crippling emotion. That I would hold my tounge. That I would hold myself well." Sebastian gave a soft sigh against my hair. "As much as I would to deny it, when He made the creations that He did - I don't know how He did it, as I was made later - He made all the angels that religions worship afterward. And when there was a rebellion, He became evil, and He made us feel things. Awful things, awful emotions that only made everyone angry. And He was relentless. And to punish us even further, when He made man, He made them have these emotions. Who you call The Devil wanted to warn these humans of the deeds and doings they would be put through, and instead was punished further, forcing us to feel hunger. Hence the reason that contracts are made; for food. I watched the demons I learned skills with - it would be hilarious to call them friends - fall to their knees as they felt this emotion called love. And I was not them, because I did not cheat my victims by making false promises. I promised myself that I would never love. I would never allow myself to fall to my knees for a measly human."

I was quiet for a moment. I was a measly human? I meant nothing to him?

"But you, you are so much different than the rest. You want something other than fame and fortune. You were a challenge. You hated the world as much as the world hated you. Your spirit wasn't and couldn't be broken like some kind of stallion. You turned your tears and fear into the strength to move on, to tilt your head and to tell your enemies to hit you again. And that, is something I can fall in love with, Ciel." He tightened his arms slightly, gently kissing my cheek.

"Oh Sebastian." I whispered, and I felt my eyes well up and my throat inflate and I couldn't swallow the lump that built. "You can't love me."

"And why is that?" Sebastian asked gently, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"How can you love someone that doesn't love themselves? I'm not a good person. Not on the inside, not on the out. It's like, I want other people to hurt like they made me do. That isn't a good person. You say it yourself."

"The only person you're hurting is yourself. I will not let you end up as so many others will and have, simply because you have not been taught the right ways. And as time passes, in which we have plenty, you will love yourself as much as you do me." Sebastian kissed my ear once. "Now, let's get you washed up."


	10. Chapter 10

((AN: Mistakes were fixed. Enjoy.))

The way he touched me was so sweet, so gentle, so caring. Sebastian washed me with the sap that he picked, rubbing each body part with care and thoroughness. Even when he got down to the parts that defined me as a male, he was careful, humming softly into my ear while he scrubbed.

After I was rinsed and dried, and Sebastian dressed, he guided me to the bedroom to be dressed myself. He made small talk. "How did you like dinner?"

"It was good, as usual. I don't know why you ask." I said, complying with him to make the nightgown easier to put on.

"You're making good physical progress. Almost completely healed." Sebastian said, beginning to button the clear buttons from top to bottom. "I'm sure you'll be well enough to begin your daily studies again soon."

"Are you trying to kill me?" I muttered, and he laughed softly in response. He kissed my knee before he stood up.

"Perhaps so, if Latin kills you, little one." Sebastian said, helping me into bed.

"Bastard." I accused playfully.

"Every inch." Sebastian smiled that half smirk as he tucked me under the covers. "You have a busy schedule tomorrow, believe it or not."

"What do you mean?"

"Elizabeth and her family are coming over to see you tomorrow, to see how you're doing." I scrunched my eyebrows together a little bit.

"How does she know?

"Respectfully, as she is your fiance, I told her what happened. She had called the day of your incident attempt, and I have sworn to never lie." Sebastian pulled back from tucking the covers under my body. "She wants to make sure you're feeling better. She sounded worried about you."

I sighed, a hint of anger behind it. "Fine. But no shenanigans from you during her visit."

"I wouldn't have dreamed of it." Sebastian grinned at me, before he blew out the candle beside my bed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I woke up at my own time, which was early as I had went to bed early, and my mood decreased when I remembered who was visiting. It wasn't like I hated her, but I was in a confusing situation between myself and Sebastian. I was supposed to be loving Elizabeth and thinking about marriage soon: I was only a year away from being 14, and she was of legal age already. With my parents gone, her's had control over the marriage and all of the rights that went with it. We were supposed to have children together, supposed to continue the family name of Phantomhive. We were supposed to be in love and grow old together. Her brother, Edward Middleford, would continue the Middleford name. It was supposed to work out.

I knew Elizabeth since I could ever remember. It was an arranged marriage, ever since the Middleford family gave birth to Elizabeth it was written that I would marry whenever her parents decided it was time. I envied her. She was so happy, and so ignorant. Everything I wasn't. She could love anyone that her parents told her to; that's how she was, always trying to please people. She was the sweetest thing, for the most part, and I wouldn't mind loving her as my fiance if I knew I wasn't going to die in upcoming years. As the contract between Sebastian and I states, I have until the person who murdered my parents is dead. And then my time is up. I should be dead by now, if Trancy had been the right man. But I suppose not.

I wanted the best for my dear Elizabeth. I didn't want her to be trapped with someone that couldn't completely love her back. She needed someone that could make her happy, and with my own sorrows, I couldn't supply her accordingly. I would be no Hades as she would be no Persephone. I refused to trick her into staying with mind games and physical control. She deserved someone other than me, for hundreds of reasons. But nonetheless, the part will be played as it needed to be.

When Elizabeth and her family arrived, I took a seat in the main room on the first floor. I was dressed properly, hair combed out of my face like her mother liked, and cleaned thoroughly as nobles were expected to be. I hadn't eaten or anything that morning, and so I was more than eager for them to sit down in the room with me so Sebastian could be free to make a breakfast for everyone.

"Oh, Ciel!" Elizabeth's voice called as the door opened. Obviously her parents had told her to be relaxed before they got there, because the hug that she gave me was gentle and light. I hugged her back solidly.

"Good morning, Lizzie." I greeted, using the name she preferred to be called instead of her formal full name. "Good morning Mr. Middleford, Mrs. Middleford." I greeted the parents, standing up to kiss her mother's hand and return the soft hug her father gave me.

"How are you feeling?" Alexis asked me when he pulled back, a soft smile on his face. He was a lot different than the Governess that frequently was with Elizabeth rather than her parents, who was strict and I'm sure hated me positively to the bone.

"Much better. Thank you. And yourself?" I asked, sitting down after he did. Francis had already taken her seat, watching me from where she sat. Elizabeth sat next to me on the couch that I had picked.

"I'm well." Alexis nodded gently. "Elizabeth was quite worried about you."

"I can imagine." I said, looking over at the smiling girl next to me.

"If I may ask a question," Francis began, and I looked over at her, "Why did you do it?" The room suddenly turned awkward and weird.

"Mother, I thought we said we wouldn't ask him that." Elizabeth scolded her, only to be hushed. Sometimes I felt bad for her.

"Even if I were to explain, I'm sure it would be a concept hard to understand." I said calmly. There wasn't any need to get worked up over a question.

"Are you insulting my intelligence?" Francis asked. I could see she was becoming hostile under the surface.

"Of course not. I was merely stating that someone that had no intentions of ending their own life wouldn't be able to understand the thought process behind my actions." I said, maintaining eye contact. "Sometimes, as humans, we do things that cannot be understood by others, am I correct?"

"I suppose so." Francis eyed me carefully. I nodded once respectfully.

"Did you have breakfast yet?" Elizabeth asked me, taking the topic off of something melancholy to something positive.

"No, I did not. I thought it to be rude to eat before my fiance and her parents got the chance." I said truthfully. "Sebastian is making breakfast at this moment."

"How is the company going?" Alexis asked after a small pause allowed change of topics.

"It is doing well. Much better than the last few months, I would have to say."

"That's good."

"Definitely." I agreed, before I looked at Elizabeth. "Would you like to eat in the garden? The roses have bloomed and the hedges were trimmed recently. I'm sure you would like it."

"Only if you eat with me." She smiled brightly at me.

"Of course. I wouldn't have thought of doing anything different." It would give me a chance to be alone and address her feelings and thoughts without her being worried of what her parents would say.

After another ten minutes or so, Sebastian came in to let us know that breakfast was ready. I escorted my fiance out to the dining room. "Sebastian, Elizabeth and I will be eating outside for breakfast." I said. "Take the plates meant for her and me out to the gazebo in the garden."

"Yes, my lord." Sebastian said, bowing lightly before he put the several plates on the silver tea tray, as if he knew already that's what I wanted.

"I'm excited. I hope they're beautiful." Elizabeth said, looking at me.

"I'm sure they'll be pretty enough for your taste. If not, I'll have the gardener take out the bulbs and bushes and replant better flowers." I said. By gardener, I meant Sebastian, who did everything anyways.

We followed Sebastian out to the wooden gazebo a small ways from the house. It was connected by a small path cleared out, leading to a circular ending with the gazebo in the center. It was surrounded by trees and bright colored flowers. After I dismissed Sebastian, it was just Elizabeth and I to talk freely. She knew that I didn't care what she said, as long as she didn't mind what I said in return.

"I'm sorry about my mother." Elizabeth said, crossing her legs as she sat down. I shrugged a little, setting the plates for her in front of her. "I told her it was a touchy subject. She doesn't listen to me."

"It bothers me not." I looked over at her before I leaned down to pick up the second set of plates. It was quiet for a moment before I said, "Does it bother you?"

"Does what bother me?"

"The, whole idea of what I did." I paused after the the, trying to put my thoughts together. "That I tried to kill myself."

"Of course it does. I'm just glad that you weren't successful." Elizabeth sighed softly. "Was it because of me?"

I looked over at her, shocked she would say such a thing. "No! Of course not! Why would you even-? Oh Lizzie. It could never be because of you." I set the plates down and sat beside her. "I did it because of me."

"Because you're sick, right here." She said, watching my face as she pointed to her temple. There were few times in which she was solemn and not obnoxious. This was one of those times.

"I'd call it twisted, because sick makes it sound like there's a cure." I said, gently taking hold of her small, petite hand in mine. "I've lived 13 years, and I've seen more death and distress than anyone I know."

"Oh." Elizabeth looked at her plate of food. She bit the inside of her cheek, before she took a bite. "I'm not really very hungry."

"That's okay. We can feed it to the birds."

"We can?" She looked up at me and she smiled brightly.

"Of course we can." I said, kissing her hand lightly. Her skin smelled sweet, like sweet peppermint and those candies that cost 2 pence in the containers of corner stores (which were my absolute favorite). She giggled softly, and I took a bite of the fluffy pancakes drizzled with syrup and blueberries.

When I was done with breakfast, I did exactly as promised. I took her plate of food in my free hand, the other holding hers, and guided her a few feet into the woodsy area. I was careful as to not make her step onto poison ivy or tear her dress. "How do I do it?" She asked.

"Take a small piece of the pancake and throw it. They'll find it when they're hungry." I said. I had seen Finnian do this before with leftover biscuits from a dinner party I had attended to. Sure enough, when I returned to see if he was lying to me, the biscuits were gone.

"What if the birds don't get it?"

"Maybe a deer will. They're usually out this time of year, sometimes with their babies." I said honestly. I let her throw the pancake pieces, and every once in a while she'd put a piece in her own mouth and eat it. Elizabeth could be so adorable sometimes, I guess.

The fun lasted for a while, ending when her parents started calling for her. It was improper for rich people to gain tan skin, as it suggested we had to go out into fields and work. I suppose that's why they called for her. She called back, saying she was coming, before she and I kissed gently and softly in the woods. I did it because it was what she wanted, and I wanted her to be happy. She wasn't the best kisser, and I didn't expect her to be, since she devoted her entire life to me and me only. When I thought about that I felt slightly guilty that I was basically _cheating _on her. I pushed it to the side however, as she complimented me as started to head back.

I lead her like any gentleman should, holding her hand and going at her own pace. She was scolded for not staying at the gazebo like she had said she would be, but I could tell she didn't mind by the way that she squeezed our hidden hands together before she let go. "I suppose I'm going now." Elizabeth said as we followed the adults back to the house, leaving the plates and the woods behind us.

"Did you have fun?" I asked, keeping my voice down in case her father was like her Governess and tried to pick out everything wrong with what I was doing and use it against me to make myself a 'better husband'.

"I did. And you?"

"I did as well." I responded, looking over at her. I couldn't see her the same way that I did Sebastian. Perhaps it was because she was my cousin, and I learned to love her that way first before I did as a lover. Perhaps it was because I was the 'forbidden sinner' and liked men the same way I was supposed to like females. It mattered to me not either way. I just knew she wasn't for me.

"Goodbye Ciel." Alexis said, giving me a parting hug. His wife followed the same suit with her hand, and Elizabeth topped it off with a hug. I secretly kissed her cheek and helped her into the carriage.

"Until next time." I said, waving gently as the rider cracked the whip and the horses began to move. I watched the carriage for a bit until it disappeared, before I turned and went inside the manor.


	11. Chapter 11

(( AN: I'm sorry for the delay. Enjoy, though!))

I don't recall how long I was away from people. It was like Sebastian was shielding me from everyone; even visits from Elizabeth were ceased. As much as humanity was hated by myself, I missed all of the active hatred that I put behind it. I couldn't complain about things that were done because nothing recent had been done. I couldn't wish that I was back home in my own imported French velvet chair (I loved that one the most because it had wheels on it). It was utterly boring.

And that was why I agreed to go to the annual Spring festival.

Twice a year, a small street celebration was done. One was done for the low classes, like the farmers and merchants and other peasants that took up the space of London. The other was done a week later, and was held for the nobility class, from Baroness up to the Queen herself. It was much cleaner, I suppose, and there was less chance of some sort of homicide ( as the police and security coverage was at least twice as good). Personally I had only gone once, and that was beyond my vivid memory. I remembered quite a good bit of drinking and celebrations, and some fireworks near the end. Besides from that, I could only imagine how crowded it would be. Peasants weren't banned or not allowed in the celebration with the nobles, but it was _highly_ frowned upon.

After some light persuasion, Sebastian finally agreed to go with me. He made me promise that I wouldn't do anything reckless, and I told him that I would use the best of my judgement, or rather, I would do what I damn well please because I can. Sometimes we say things that mean something else, I suppose.

Over the past days, up until the morning of the festival, the relations between myself and my butler had increased. I had allowed him to sleep in my bed alongside of me, feed me when I didn't feel like feeding myself, and went as far as allowing him to touch me as he pleased. I was surprised that he had never pushed it too far, but I assure you I wasn't about to complain. It was nice, no, it was wonderful to be able to do the things that I did with Sebastian. He treated me like a piece of sculpture glass, treating me with the utmost care as if I would break at any given time, but yet rough enough to show me he hadn't grown _too_ soft or that he was under my power completely. Everytime I thought about it, I would snort softly. But it was reality; I was like a toothpick in his fingertips. He had gently admitted that there had been a few times in which his fingers would gently brush against my neck and he would think of snapping it in two with ease. I wasn't worried that he would, especially with the bond that we shared now.

But nonetheless, when the festival came, it wasn't I that complained about going.

"What do you mean you're not taking me?" I asked angrily, crossing my arms as I watched Sebastian stir the batter to the pancake mix. "We agreed on this two weeks ago!"

"I just don't feel that it's the best thing to do." He replied, beginning to pour the batter with a ladle into the skillet. "I feel like it's not going to end well for you."

"You say that about everything." I muttered. I spoke up to say, "Well, I'm going, if you come along or not."

"I forbid you to go alone." Sebastian said, looking over at me.

"I'll just take Bardroy and Finnian then." I rolled my eyes. "Keeping me in their sight isn't hard."

"You say that now."

"Are you coming or not?" I huffed. When he didn't answer me, I assumed it was a no, and left the kitchen to tell Bardroy that he was coming with me. Finnian happened to be with him, discussing other matters. As I told them what was going to happen, the blonde was more than happy to go. The three of them had gone to the one for the poor, and I'm sure they were ecstatic to be going again. Bardroy was the one to dress me while Finnian went to find out how late the affair ran.

Thankfully the festival was close enough for walking distance. I left Sebastian alone and pushed him out of my head when I arrived. I couldn't allow something like a petty argument ruin my day, all because he felt something would be off. That wasn't my problem. I quickly forgot about him as I engaged myself with conversations, greeting people and catching up. Surprisingly, people had noticed my absence in business, telling me how worried they were. I was thankful that word hadn't spread from the Middleford family about the events that happened, and I put to rest the rumors as I said personal affairs clouded my view of the Funtom company. Nothing too serious, however, and people left the subject alone from there.

It didn't take long for the alcoholics of the nobles to become obnoxious. But it was all part of the fun. Bardroy nor Finnian had ever seen this side of those who were portrayed as respectable, and from their expressions they were enjoying themselves. I decided on a big "fuck it" when, in the middle of town square, an entire dance broke through. Instead of the slow and traditional, it was more of an Irish upbeat tune. It went as far as Countess Evelyn hiking up her skirts to her knees, to which Bardroy tsked softly, pulling me away from the crowd. I was enjoying myself, and I turned to the two of them. I handed them a few gold coins and said, "Go buy yourself a few rounds."

Finnian protested, but Bardroy said, "As long as you stay right here, okay, young master? We'll only be a few minutes." I nodded a little bit, and watched as Bardroy began to walk. Finnian was hesitant, but he followed shortly after when Bardroy called for him to hurry up.

Those few minutes passed, and there was no sight of the two. I was tired of waiting, and decided it was fair enough if I went to buy myself something or another. It was hard to choose, but in the end I ended up thinking about what would make Sebastian the most mad for some kind of passive aggressive payback for going back on his word. And so, a few blocks over, I opened the door to CeCil's Bar and Grille.


	12. Chapter 12

Cecil's Bar was well known for its drunken fights and the illegal activity that went on in the backway. But it was also known for the crowd that constantly ran in and out. Tabs could be ran up to hundreds, and somehow the amounts would be paid in full. It was easily the busiest and happiest place on London. I had money in my pocket, and I wanted to spend it on something worth my time.

Smoke greeted me as I pushed open the doors, escaping out into the warm evening outdoor before being forced in again. A few greeting calls were shouted toward my direction, to which I nodded or waved slightly in acknowledgment. I took a seat at the bar, my feet dangling instead of being able to reach the platform into front of the chair that adult-sized people could definitely reach. The woman at the bar turned to me from entertaining the people next to me, rubbing a small dishcloth in a glass. "Ah, Phantomhive. I saw your butler in here a few days ago."

"Is that so? I'm sure it was with good reasoning." I said, resting my forearms on the counter. "How are you?"

"I'm well. Business is great, as you can tell." She smiled at me. I knew Cecil ever since I came back from the 'orphanage'. She was coming up on her middle years, but looked young as ever. When men would ask her how she stays so beautiful, she'd lean in real close and say it's from all the vodka. No one believed her, but I had seen her wash her face with straight Irish vodka once. No joke.

"That's great." I nodded lightly. "Crowd's been good?" "Only two fights today." She laughed, setting the glass under the counter. "What can I get you dear?"

"Chicken salad sounds fine." I said, fishing out the money from my pocket. I slid it to her, and she took it, calling back into the kitchen. Cecil added it was for me, and chef, Jackson, popped his head out of the open doorway to see for himself.

"Oi! Pha'tomhive! Nice tuh see yuh agin!" He called, waving slightly.

"Good to see you too, Jack." I called, nodding. "Your wife treating you well?"

"Tuh bitch is doin' jus' fine, sir!" Jackson smiled before he ducked back into the kitchen. Him and his African wife had had a bit of trouble when he caught her with the white milkman. I don't know why he hated him so much, since they were only sleeping together. Maybe she just wanted company when she slept. But nonetheless, he was Catholic and didn't believe in divorce.

"Aren't you a bit young to be in here?" The man next to me turned to inspect me. His eyes were squinted, face wrinkled, and he was trying to figure out how old I was, I'm sure.

"Aren't you a bit old to be asking me that?" I retorted, feeling a bit feisty for a moment. His eyes widened, and his eyebrows furrowed in response. I smiled sarcastically and turned back forward. I felt him get up and move away from the bar, but I didn't hear the door bell ring, so I knew he must of sunk back into the crowd. Cecil chuckled softly.

"What's got you in a mood?" She asked, leaning on the counter. I shrugged softly.

"Sebastian said he would take me to the festival, and then he said never mind." I rested my chin on my hand.

"Are you here by yourself?" Cecil's right eyebrow raised.

"No. I took the gardener and the cook."

"Oh, the two blond ones, right? They come here often." Cecil said. "Bloody good folk, they are."

"I suppose. But I promised something and he told me never mind. It's so odd. He's never like that."

"You sound like I did when I was married to that gambler."

"Which one was he?"

"Second one." She smiled at me, leaning back. "Well, I know what'll make you happy." Cecil held up her finger to tell me to hold on, and she went to get the chicken salad. When she came back, she reached under the counter and took out two small glasses about the height of my smallest finger. Inside of them she poured a yellowish liquid, pushing one to me.

"What's this?"

"Happy juice." Cecil grinned, picking up the second one. "Down it all in one drink, or else, alright? On the count of three." I nodded a little bit, picking up mine. It smelled awfully strong, almost like a burning sensation. When she counted down to one, I tilted my head and tipped the liquid into my mouth. I swallowed it without tasting it, and almost immediately was happy I didn't.

"It burns!" I said in surprise, setting the glass down. It was like fire going down, but there was some sort of sick satisfaction about it. It felt like something Sebastian would deny me to do. And I loved it.

I became aware of Cecil laughing. "Did you like it?"

"Yes." I said without hesitation. "I'd like another." She grinned and poured another one for me. I had realized that if I wanted to be happy and carefree, for at least a few hours, I had to push away the wall that I had built to prevent me from having a fun time with strangers. I had to let go. Maybe this was the wrong way to do it, but it was working now, and being surrounded by all of these strangers was actually entertaining.

After another shot, I began to eat my salad. I felt bubbly inside, in the good way. This was how adults had fun, and I was no child.


	13. Chapter 13

Each shot filled my spirits up more and more, and I found myself unable to stop. Shots, I found out they were called, were bought for everyone by not only myself but others as well. Stories were told about previous drinking nights, each one ending up the same as the others; hangover. One of the younger men who introduced himself to the group as Christopher said that each hangover was only a challenge given by God himself to keep drinking. He said, "That's why I keep drinking, to show that motherfucker he's not in control of me."

I fell past the bubbly feeling easily as more count downs were called, and slowly into a sicker state of being. My head spun and my stomach felt tied in knots. After my ninth or tenth one, Cecil leaned over. "I think you should stop, hun."  
>"No." I protested. My voice didn't sound right to myself.<p>

"I could get in trouble, serving a minor." She rested her elbows on the counter. I shrugged.

"All you know, I'm 15." She laughed, and she gave me a glass of water to sip.

"It's getting dark out, you know." Cecil said, wiping off a wet ring. "My break is in about five minutes, do you want me to walk you home? Looks like the two ain't coming for you." I hesitated before I nodded a little bit. She smiled and told me good, before she went to begin to clock out for her break. A small group of younger ladies bought me saltines to nibble on to ease the nausea they said I'd feel if I didn't eat them, and after thanking them I gnawed on one or two.

I said my farewells to everyone, who bid me good luck with my first hangover. Tips were shouted as Cecil guided me to the back, and I couldn't help but actually feel sad about leaving. "Are the crowds always this good?" I asked, taking my mind off of it.

"For the most part. Sometimes they're more rowdy that that." Cecil said, zipping up her pale green jacket. "Those are fun nights."

"I'll have to join some time." I said quietly, and I heard her laugh softly.

"You can't self-medicate yourself, Ciel." She said gently. I saw her look over at me from the corner of my eye.

"I'm not." I said. "Adults drink all the time. I'm not a child."

"Adults drink to ease their sadness. To quiet the pain. It doesn't taste good. Alcohol is as bitter as reality itself, but the difference between the two is everyone can swallow liquor." I was quiet for a short time. I didn't know what she meant, but I nodded a little bit. She continued then. "I know the truth about what you did."

"What I did?"

"You tried to off yourself." Cecil glanced over at me again to see my reaction, perhaps. "Your butler saved your life. "

"How do you figure that?" I asked defensively. I walked a little slower.

"I figure that from how defensive you're getting." She frowned lightly at me. "I don't know why you'd do such a thing. Your life, it has value you don't see." I rolled my eyes slightly.

"Yeah. Okay."

"It does. You are the last Phantomhive. Do you know how important that name is?" Cecil crossed her arms. "Stupid boy. Your parents would be ashamed to hear that from you. Good people, they were. I would have thought they raised you better."

"Don't slander my parent's names." I tightened my hands into fists.

"I'm not. Ciel, you have to realize something." Cecil kneeled down to be at my level, resting her hands on my shoulders. "You have a fiance that loves you, a town to support your decisions, and an earth to know your name. That's more than what I have. That's more than what anyone has in this god-forsaken time. Taking your life because you're not okay here," She touched my temple, "is not an excuse for anything. My first husband – God, I miss him – He committed suicide. He left behind a wife and two kids. Do you know how devastating that is, Ciel? To see your husband with his own brains splattered across the bed, wiped over the wall like some kind of finger paint- no, that's not a way to go. How do you explain that to someone you love? To those that loved you? Do you know how hard it is to live your life, thinking perhaps if I came home earlier, if I was a better wife, a better person, if I was more supporting, they would be alive and well?" Cecil's hands tightened on my shoulders. "You're young. Seize the moments. Kiss in the rain, run through the grass, feel the breeze over your face and take the day for yourself. Live your life as if the world is your oyster and your goals are your pearl, and never settle for something like death because it's easy."

I looked between her eyes, trying to read behind them. They were filled with pain, as plain as parchment, and desperation to make a point to me. No longer did I see her as a bartender that I knew over crimes, but rather, I could see her as a motherly figure. Maybe it was just because my head spun. But, I think, she wanted me to live and to happy, to love and to see the sights and to take each breath as if given to me by my own choice and rather someone else. I felt her pain, and she felt mine.

"I understand." I said, almost silently. Cecil hugged me tightly but yet gently in her arms. I rested my chin in the crook of her neck and shoulder.

"You know where I am. I'm always here if you want to talk." She said against my ear, pulling back after a long minute. I nodded slightly in understanding, before she stood up. She took my hand in hers, squeezing tightly once. She said, a smile brushed over her face, "Now, let's get you home, Ciel."


	14. Chapter 14

From time to time I'd look behind me, and each time there would be no one there and the noise that I heard was from traveling party-ers the next alley over. I couldn't help but feel uneasy between the darkness that had fallen quickly and the noises that came here and there.

"We're almost there." Cecil said, noticing my jumpiness. We hadn't talked since she had given her advice, and even her sudden words startled me.

"Do you feel like someone is following us?" I asked her, looking up at her as I stepped over a small pile of spilled garbage. Cecil laughed softly.

"No, I don't." She said. "Do you?"

"Of course not." I said quickly, but I looked behind us again. I touched her hand lightly with mine to make sure I was keeping up, and I looked forward again. In the distance a small ways down the alley was a child, no older than I moving from the wall to the middle. I wanted to tell Cecil to go a different way, but it would be rudely obvious, because no other roads cut through the alley between us and the person.

As we approached I could get a better look at the person. It was a girl, with no shoes on or coat, and her hair was pulled into a ponytail at the back of her head. She smelled god-awful, as if she had never heard of a bath in her lifetime, but she refused to look at us as we came closer. I let Cecil walk two steps ahead of me and I switched sides that I was standing on. When I walked passed, I moved closer, and I turned my head to watch her. Just as I was turning my head forward, she tilted her head, and if I saw correctly, I was terrified.

Her eyes were black. Nothing more.

I turned my head back to look at her again, to see if what I saw was real or if my eyes played tricks on me. Only, I couldn't, because she no longer was there. Long minutes passed as I thought about asking her about it."Cecil?"

"Yes, Ciel?"

"Did we pass a girl?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. The way her eyes had caught mine was cold, as she hadn't only looked at me but she looked _inside _me. Like I was a meal, probing my soul apart with her millisecond gaze. It was awful.

"No, what are you talking about?" Cecil looked down at me, eyebrows furrowing slightly. I looked straight ahead, and I shook my head slightly.

"Nevermind. We're here." I said quickly, gesturing to the gate that enclosed my property. "Thank you for walking me home." I opened the gate with the small silver key I always had in my waistpocket.

"Of course, Ciel. Anytime." Cecil smiled at me and made sure I was in the gate before she turned around and began the journey home. I watched her until she disappeared from my sight. I sighed softly, and I turned around to trudge the path up to the manor. A soft light flickered in the room which was Sebastian's study, and I assumed he was up waiting for my return.

I stopped walking when I heard the gate bars rattle slightly, and a soft voice cooed, "Let me in."

I turned to look. A male no older than 20 had his hands wrapped around the bars, standing taller than I did. His pants were torn at the knees as if he had fallen multiple times, and he looked dirty, mud rubbed over some parts of his face and his exposed arms. It was too dark to see his face.

"What do you need?" I asked, my head beginning to spin from all the alcohol. I wanted to go inside and fall asleep in my butler's arms, and I wanted that now.

"Please let me in. Only for the night." His voice was so soft, much like a female's, but had a hint of desperation behind it.

"What do you require? Tell me or be gone."

"A meal. I haven't eaten in two weeks." Once again, his voice drifted into my head and triggered some sort of switch. It was like I wasn't acting on my own accord as I slowly made my way to the gate, putting the small key into the slot. Now, I was close, and I merely glanced up to his face. And, startled, I dropped the key. His eyes were exactly like the girl, dark and lifeless.

"You can't come in." I said, stepping away from the gate. I leaned down to pick up the key, and I let out a surprised noise as his hand grabbed my wrist through the bars. I pulled my hand back, the key pressed firmly against my palm, and backed up completely away from him. His entire demeanor changed into aggressive, trying to reach me through the bars. It was a frightening show, and I couldn't bring myself to leave. I could only watch.

"Let me the fuck in!" He snarled, and I shook my head a little bit. Suddenly, he stopped. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "You can't avoid fate forever." His voice was soft once more, and when I blinked he was gone. I shook my head a little bit, closing my eyes to take a breath.

"Young master?" I heard the reassuring voice in the distance. "Young master, you've fallen. Are you alright? Why are you home so late? Where are Bardroy and Finnian? I thought they were going to take you home. Did you walk by yourself?" The questions were nonstop, and as happy as I was to hear his voice, the noise killed.

"I'm fine. I just, tripped is all." I said, allowing him to help me up.

"Your hand is cut." Sebastian held my hand in his, examining. I did as well, noticing five thin lines from my wrist to fingertips glistening with blood. "What happened?"

"I don't know." I said, pulling my hand away. "I want to go to bed."

"You've been drinking." Sebastian's tone changed almost instantly.

"Yeah."

"You know better." He said, "I'm very disappointed in you."

"Tell me about it tomorrow, okay?"

Sebastian sighed softly. "Yes sir. Let's get you to bed, I suppose."

Sebastian did just that, taking me upstairs to my room. He dressed me properly as well as dressing the wound, tsking softly when I would complain about not feeling well. I decided not to say anything about the man and the girl to Sebastian, fearing he'd use that against me as another reason I should have been having fun, or drinking, I mean. I felt like he was actually mad at me, up until the point that he tucked me into bed. After he blew out the candle beside my bed and lit the small fire in the fireplace to keep the room at a livable temperature at night, I felt the bed shift slightly as he put his weight on the right side. He moved against my backside, loosely wrapping his arm around my waist and holding me close. "What will I do with you? Always getting yourself into trouble." Sebastian kissed my ear softly.

"You could marinate me and serve me to my enemies." I whispered quietly. I was relieved to feel and hear Sebastian's laugh. It was a sincere laugh, not some half-assed one like he usually did. It was music to my ears.

"I could eat you up myself." Sebastian rested his face against the top side of my head. "You'd go well with orange and lemon, perhaps toffee bits if I was feeling sweet that day."

"You could savor me, like a candy bar. Make each part a different way. Have a wine tasting party." Another laugh vibrated against my ear.

"The only person to taste you would be me. You know that."

"It's only fair if I can taste you first."

"You wouldn't like how my excuse for a being tastes."

"That's not true." I felt him snort softly into my hair.

"And how do you reckon that?" Sebastian asked.

"Remember that one time that you let Bard helped you with making the vanilla cake?"

"The one you said you liked?"

"Yes. It was actually very terribly salty. I hated it. But it looked so good. And do you remember that time you made me that callaloo?"

"Yes. Was that actually bad as well?"

"No. I liked it very much." I said, looking down at his arm with half lidded eyes. "It looked disgusting."

"That it did. I remember you said it reminded you of what you threw up when we were on that Jack the Ripper case." He squeezed my waist gently.

"My point is things don't always turn out the way they seem." I closed my eyes. "You always say you don't have a heart, that you're cold, that you're evil, but I don't think so." Another laugh came from him.

"Oh really? You don't think so?" Sebastian shifted away from my waist, and he turned me to face upwards. He knealt with his knees on either side of my legs, and his hands pinning my wrists above my head on the pillow.. He leaned down, pressing his forehead against mine.

"No." I said, looking up at him.

"I could devour you to the very bone."

"You wouldn't."

"I could take your breath away for good."

"You already do."

"I could destroy your spirit."

"You couldn't."

"And why not?"

"Because you're in love with me." I watched his auburn eyes gaze into me. It was a moment before he softly snorted, and he buried his face against my neck, letting go of my wrists, although I didn't move them.

"Oh Ciel." Sebastian's breath was hot against my neck, lips pressing here and there around my collarbone. "I promised myself I wouldn't do that. And I followed through." Before I could question that, he followed up with, "I don't love you; oh no, I desire you."

"You do?" I asked innocently.

"I desire you in ways that are wrong, that could have me banned from every corner of the world, kicked from Hell itself, and yet I want every particle of your being just as bad as a parched man wants water." His teeth nipped slightly towards my jaw, then paused for a moment. "And yet, I must remember to be forgiving of your ignorance."

"I'm not ignorant."

"Ah, but you are." Sebastian kissed the tip of my chin. "And that will be saved for another day, that conversation, a day in which you are much more sober." A soft whine passed my lips as he removed his mouth from my neck. He chuckled very quietly before he kissed me.

It was a gentle kiss, showing me how wonderful Sebastian could taste and tease. He nipped my lower lip with his teeth, leaving me breathless and panting for him to continue. He was hesitant, and I could see it. "I don't want to take advantage of you."

"You won't." I insisted, moving my hands from the position on the pillow to gently press on his firm chest.

"Your words are invalid when I can still taste tequila on your tongue." Sebastian said, watching my hands in interest. My fingers struggled with the buttons of his white undershirt.

"Let me touch you."

"Of course, my little one." I pulled my hands back, and he leaned forward to softly kiss my fingertips as he unbuttoned the clear buttons. He allowed me to push the fabric off his shoulders, watching my small hands. I touched his chest, running my hands over his soft skin and his defined stomach.

"You're like a roman god." I murmured. I had never really gotten a good look of him before. But the more I looked the more I wanted to keep looking.

"Oh, am I? That's a terrible metaphor, in my opinion." A half smile of amusement crossed his mouth.

"I mean, you're perfect. That's what I'm saying."

"Hm," was all Sebastian said. I pulled my hands back, watching his face. He was in thought, and when he realized I was watching him he pecked my forehead with a kiss before he moved to lay next to me again.

"Hm what?"

"I was only trying to figure out, logically, what kind of rules calling a demon perfect breaks." I snorted softly, turning over to face him.

"Shut up." I mumbled, pressing my forehead against his chest, relaxing my body. "You're a bastard sometimes." I heard him chuckle once more against my hair.

"Every inch, my lord, every inch."

((AN: Four pages of update. I hope you guys enjoyed! Remember to review, because it helps me decide what direction to take the story. Thank you guys so much for all the support and the replies and everything. I love all of you (: ))


	15. Chapter 15

((AN: Hey everyone! I'm looking for a beta for this story, so if anyone or anyone you know is interested, let me know. Thank you, enjoy the story(: ))

It was probably the worst pain I had ever gone through.

A _hangover._

The sunlight killed my head, and sitting up to take the Feverfew Sebastian laid out for me on the bedside along with a glass of water. Feverfew was one of Sebastian's favorite medicines to give me, since he claimed he found it in the fourth century, and it had properties to heal all kinds of things. So I wasn't surprised that that was the choice of headache reliever he chose. As for the devil, he wasn't in my room when I woke up.

I laid back down in bed after chewing quietly on the Feverfew, covering my face up with the pillow to block out the sunlight. I listened to my own breathing, trying to focus my head on something else besides the killer headache and bodyache. Small glimpses of the previous night floated through my head: Sebastian's lips on my neck, his warm body pressed against my backside, his heavy laugh playing in my ear. It brought a small smile to my face. That quickly disappeared, though, when I looked down at my throbbing hand that was wrapped in a bandage. Curiousity got to me and I sat up, leaning against the headboard as I undid the safety pin and unwrapped it. Five lines were opened up on my wrist and the back of my hand, the edges of the cuts looking darkened as if it was burned. I remembered how I got it: the man with the black eyes.

If he was only in my vision and not real, he wouldn't have been able to hurt me, logically. So therefore, he was real. _You can't escape fate forever_, he had said. What did that even mean? Was he going to hurt me? Pft, as if I had to worry about that, with Sebastian always at my side. Unless, he meant Sebastian's fate.

I bit my lip carefully, examining the cuts again before I started to wrap them up, mimicking Sebastian's style of doing it. I attached the safety pin again, wiggling my fingers before I shifted out of bed. My head felt much better than before, and I was quite hungry for breakfast. Maybe there was bacon and eggs. Or maybe even that oatmeal piled with sugar. Mm.

It was silent as I came downstairs, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. There wasn't commotion from the servants, and there wasn't any good smells to say that breakfast was being cooked either. It was so eerie, especially with the front room curtain's only half drawn. Slowly I made my way down the staircase, standing in the center of the front room, straining to hear any kind of noise. "Sebastian?" I called, furrowing my eyebrows, and I turned around when I heard something fall in the dining room.

I hesitated before I slowly walked to the doorway, opening the swinging doors inwards. Nothing was out of place, and there was nothing on the ground. I looked at the kitchen door, which swung very slightly before it fell still. I thought it was one of Sebastian's stupid cats that he liked to have in his room behind my back, and so I went into the kitchen to find the damn thing and put it outside. I was horrified to see the state that the kitchen was in, pots and pans scattered throughout the room, the small pot rack on the ceiling broken and hanging with two pans left on it. I stepped closer into the room, looking around. I noticed a row of something silver in the wallpaper on the left wall, and I went to inspect it.

A row of butterknives.

And then, I saw black and felt nothing.


	16. Chapter 16

When my eyes opened, they opened up to a dusty room with only a small window to leak in sunlight. It looked like some kind of attic. I blinked a few times to clear my blurry vision, and I was able to get a better look. A nude mannequin stood in the corner, surrounded with boxes and magazines with torn out pages. As for myself, I sat on a stained mattress, my back pressed against the wall. Thankfully, my nightgown was still on and unripped, which I suppose was a good sign. I couldn't move my hands from an awkward position behind my back. Where the bloody hell was I?

I don't know how long it was until I heard footsteps coming from downstairs. They were heavy, unlike Sebastian's, so I ruled that out. I looked over when I saw a figure come up from the stairs. I recognized him instantly. It was the man I saw on the previous night. "It-it's you!"

"Yes." He said simply, standing by the top of his stairs. "Your little maiden girl allowed me to come in this morning." I remembered how he had asked for permission to enter. I guess when MeyRin was getting the mail he attempted again, and she said yes.

"What are you?" I asked. I didn't think it was appropriate to say who, since he didn't seem to have a personality of his own, anyways.

"The humans call us Bek. Stands for black eyed kids, I guess."

"Do you have a name?"

"Tenebrosi." It was Latin for dark. Fitting.

"Why do you want me so bad?" There wasn't an answer to that question. Instead, I asked, "Where is Sebastian?"

"Chasing after another Bek group. He's not that bright." Tenebrosi shrugged before he sat down in front of me on the floor. "I'm supposed to watch you until seven. You'll be transferred."

"Are you a demon?" I asked bravely. Tenebrosi actually laughed. It was something I hoped to have never heard again.

"You know, I get that a lot. Yes and no. We're much darker than that." He shrugged, picking up a magazine that didn't look too painfully torn. "If it was up to me, I would have pulled you limb from limb and took your soul for myself. But I can't do that, none of us can." I watched him page through. Silence settled in between the two of us for a long time. It was him who talked again. "We've been following you for a while now, you know. I'm surprised you didn't tell that demon of yours."

"I thought you weren't real." I said honestly, crossing my legs. It was cold in the attic.

"Most don't. That's how we keep under cover." Tenebrosi shrugged again. "Bek only work for other people. For now anyways. A revolution is at hand, in Germany. They say it's only a few decades now until something huge happens." I saw a faint grin come from him. His teeth were yellowed and some were missing. It was disgusting. "I can't wait for it. They're calling it a fire war. After that, we can roam and take as many as we want when we want." There was another extension of silence.

"Where are my servants? You know, the maiden and the two males." I asked, resting my head against the slanted roof. It was low enough for me to rest the upper-back of my head on.

"Hell if I know." He shrugged. "I only gotta keep track of you."

"Who are you working for now?" I didn't want to ask too many questions, but he seemed to comply with all of them.

"He's a demon, only name I was given was Spider." Tenebrosi glanced at me from the magazine. "He wanted you pretty bad, I guess."

I snorted softly. "Not the first time I've heard that." I muttered. "Anyway, is anyone else here? In this house?"

"Course, idiot. There's two girls in the hall below and a male..." Tenebrosi paused before he said, "No. There's no one else here." It was sudden. I could tell he wasn't supposed to tell me.

"You just said there were two girls-" I began, and I was utterly surprised when he struck me with the back of his hand. I wasn't prepared for it.

"Shut your mouth." He snapped. "Don't speak against me, got it? They said I couldn't kill you, but they said nothing about ruining that pretty face of yours." His voice changed from the musical tone to strict and harsh, just as it had when I told him no. My face stung where he had hit me, and all I could do was nod slightly to show I wasn't ignoring him. I didn't look at him, deciding I would rather swallow my pride than give him the satisfaction for having a reason to beat me senseless. I wouldn't put it past him to do such a thing.

I stayed silent after that, trying to imagine what I could use to pull the bindings off. I wouldn't be able to face them alone – no, that would be a stupid idea. But perhaps if I could use the others as help, at least one of us would get out, and they said they couldn't kill us. It would give enough time to- yes. That was perfect. If only I could get him to leave.

At first I tried waiting. I gave that up quickly, however, because he said I was being handed over at seven and going by the daylight, I only had a few hours left to make some kind of plan out of thin air. I shifted slightly, watching Tenebrosi cautiously as I extended my leg out to one side of him. It was just long enough for my leg to make it close to his face if I extended it upwards. I shifted my body forward slightly, but not obviously, and it was a perfect length. Tenebrosi looked up at me from reading, and I quickly looked away from him to the small patch of sunlight that shimmered on the floor. I was glad I looked there because of what I could make out a few inches away from the down side of it.

I spent the next few moments of my life preparing for what was going to happen next. My stomach felt like it dropped a thousand meters and my heart came to my throat, but I didn't want too long as I would probably have backed out. I took a deep breath, and with all of the strength and hatred I could muster, struck my right leg, my dominant one, out and into his face upwards. Tenebrosi cried out in pain, one hand going to his face and his other throwing the magazine aside. "You bitch- You'll pay for that-" I heard him say. And I sure did, the beginning of my payment starting with being picked up from the mattress by my nightgown.

He did quite a number on my face, and I endured it for what seemed like enternity before he seemed content with the revenge. Tenebrosi gave my stomach a stomp, driving his heel into the sensitive part above my hips before he stormed off downstairs to take care of himself. I caught my breath, which was hitched to begin with, and I managed to shift over to the glistening metal object I had spotted. I sat up and slid my bound hands under my body and to my front, picking it up with my left hand. I examined the nail before I set it between my fingers and began prying away the rope, one fray at a time. It seemed like forever to me, and I was only wasting time, so I began to try and pull the rope away from my wrists. I wiped my nose with my wrist, and to my surprise, it actually helped with trying to get it off.

Finally, after much wiping and prying, my hands were free.

I was careful but quick going down the rigid stairs, opening the door with my foot and peeking out into the hallway. I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the smell and at the sight of trash and torn carpet and wallpaper, but I was happy to see that there was a oak door at the end of the hallway that was slightly ajar. I heard a girl sobbing, and I assumed she was in there.

I tiptoed down the hallway, which was wet, and peeked into the room that was open. My heart pounded so hard I was sure that everyone could hear it. There was a dresser next to the door, and a mattress on the opposite wall under the window. The girl that was curled up on it looked young, but older than me, her brunette hair tangled like a bird's nest about shoulder length. She wore no clothes on her body, which I could only imagine how cold she was. When she looked up at me I could see the humiliation in her eyes, and that was more painful to see than the bruises on her pale body.

"I'm here to help you." I whispered, holding my hand out to gesture her to come here. To my surprise she didn't look bound or tied down to anything. She had to have been here long than I was.

"They're hurt you- they will-" She stammered, and I shook my head.

"Come on, now. Let's go." I said, frustrated that she wasn't coming with me. She only kept babbling on and on, and so in an angry whisper, I said, "If you're not coming with me, fine, die here by yourself." I went back into the hallway. Within a few moments of me trying to find the second door the second girl was in, I heard the first woman come out of her room.

"She's in here." She pointed to the wooden door. I nodded quietly, and I slowly pushed open the door pointed to. I really didn't think about what or who else would be in there, but I wished that I had.

Another one of those things was bent over the second girl, his lower half nude as well as she was. One hand was grasped around her neck, which was bent at an awkward angle to begin with. She was still alive, however, thankfully, from the raspy noises that flowed from her chapped and bitten raw lips. She was limp underneath the man, and her face, too, was showered with humiliation.

I suppose the male saw her eyes move in the direction to look at me, and he turned his head to look at me. He was older than the one I had to deal with, and somehow his eyes seemed darker than the two I had seen. There was no hesitation as he pulled away from the girl and directed his attention to me, grasping my throat like he had hers, and slamming my body mercilessly into the wallspace next to the dresser. I struggled, breathing raspy, trying to pry his hands away from my neck.

If this is how I died, I was definitely not okay with it.

Thankfully, someone thought that as well.

Before my very eyes, I watched the life drain from the soulless eyes, surprisingly, and drop me before dropping himself.

I regained my breath, before I looked over to the left. The girl I had watched being defiled held a gun, an American Colt Model, with both of her hands. My eyes widened slightly, and she lowered it. "You saved me, so I saved you." She held out her hand.

"Ciel." I introduced, glad she would speak to me. I took her hand in mine, kissing it softly in respect.

"Amanda." She shook my hand once before she let go. "These things – do you know what they are?"

"No idea." I said honestly.

"They're Cambion. Half human and half demon." Amanda said, looking to the door. I could tell that she was stronger than the other girl, whose name I still didn't know.

"Never heard of it." I watched her face. "How long have you been here?"

"No time to talk, Ciel. They're'll be others coming soon." She said, looking back at me. "Have you a key?"

"No ma'am."

"Pity." She said, kneeling down to root through the male's pockets. "Thankfully he has one. Somewhere." Amanda rooted for a few moments before she pulled out two keys: one silver and one gold plated. She nodded slowly, and she pushed past us two.

"If you have a gun, why didn't you use it before?" I asked suddenly, following her into the hallway.

"There was never the right moment. When you kicked Tenebrosi in his face, he stormed out of the house. There was only this monster, Pravus." Pravus meant ugly in Latin. That was fitting too, I suppose. "There were always more than one. That's dumb to try to take two on at once." I nodded a bit. That was fair, I decided.

I followed Amanda downstairs. The way she walked around was like she knew the place. "Where are you going? The front door is right here." I said, frowning as I pointed to it as Amanda was walking into a tiled room to opposite direction.

"One, we need to get Sophie clothes. Second, going out in the open in this town is a bad thing to do." Amanda said behind her, disappearing into the room. I grumbled before I went to catch up the the duo. The kitchen was just as bad as the rest of the house.

Amanda told me to wait in the kitchen while her and Sophie went behind a gray curtain to where the laundry was done in hopes of finding clothes to fit her. I don't know why they were worried about me, I wasn't interested in woman anyways. Besides that, I had a fiance. My thoughts were broken when the curtain was pushed back to reveal the two of them completely clothed, which made me sigh softly in relief.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-.-

"Ciel, how old are you?" Sophie asked while Amanda fiddled with the lock on the back door. After some time of inspecting, it was determined that the best way out of the house was the back door. Thankfully, as I was told, we were still in London, and as much as there was a walk to the outskirts in which my manor resided, there was a better chance of getting there than if I was taken to, let say, France.

"I'm 15." I said, glancing at her watching Amanda turned the knob. "You?"

"Twenty three." Her voice was quiet. "Thank you both for saving me."

"Of course." I said. "I might want to cease to breathe, but it isn't in a place like this." I saw Sophie smile softly.

"Me too."

"Stop talking, and let's go." Amanda said, stepping out in front of us. I let Sophie go first, and I shut the door behind me. The yard was cover in children's toys and yard decorations, and it generally looked unwelcoming. "Keep quiet, and let's go. Sophie, we'll drop you off first, then Ciel." I raised my eyebrow.

"How do you know where I live?"

"You're Phantomhive. The one that owns that factory." Amanda looked behind her at me. "I know you. I worked for your mother at one point. I left to America when she gave me extra funds because of my own mother passing away."

"Ah," was all I said to that. I didn't remember her, so she wasn't important for anything except getting out. And she had the gun.

"But someone wanted me back. So, those Bek things kidnapped me and forced me over here to this doomed country." Amanda sighed. "Whatever. It matters not."

The rest of the journey from there was mostly a silent jumpiness. Sophie surprisingly lived close by, or at least we dropped her off close by. She thanked us both, promising to get a hold of us soon, and quickly went inside. I hated walking with Amanda by myself, but I would have hated walking with Sophie by myself as well. I guess it was some kind of security issue that I had.

I thanked her for walking me back to my house, which was a long fiasco of taking backroads to avoid public eyes. Before I went inside (the gate was open – go figure-) Amanda grabbed my wrist. I turned to look at her. "Thank you, for saving me."

"No problem." I said, not one for the sappiness.

"They'll be back for you. Take caution, Phantomhive." Amanda let go, pulling back. She started walking, and so did I. I heard her call, "Hey, Ciel?"

"Yeah?"

"If you do happen to die – Tell Rachel I said hi." I snorted.

"Yeah, I will." I rolled my eyes, making my way up the steps to the house. It was the same as when I left it, thankfully, and the four others were still gone. Exhaustion wiped over my body as I trudged up the stairs to the bathroom to clean myself up. I was startled at my own appearance. My eye was swollen and a dark purple color, blood from my nose dried over my cupid's bow and my upper lip, and other various bruises tainted my otherwise flawless skin. I sighed softly, using a washcloth I found to rub gently at the blood that stained my skin in various places.

I hoped that I wouldn't be bothered again by the Bek people. Now, however, I knew what they were: half demon and half human. From Amanda's example, they could die like humans can but have the strength of a demon, proving a difficult opponent if one isn't properly suited for a fight. I would have thought they were harder to kill, but I suppose it worked out in my favor.

After I cleaned my face up, I was drained of all physical and mental energy. I pulled myself to bed, laying ontop of the covers and not bothering to crawl under them. I quickly fell asleep, awaiting and dreaming of my lover's return.


	17. Chapter 17

I was woken up by a dark figure holding me close to their body. At first I began to struggle, pressing my hands firmly into the center. Quickly, though, my face was showered with hundreds of worried kisses, and I stopped pushing. "I thought they had taken you. I thought I'd have to chase them for decades, those sly creatures. But you're here. You're safe." Sebastian's voice was hard to decipher. There were too many emotions for me to pick apart.

"They did take me." I said, my own voice exhausted and still weary. Apparently Sebastian hadn't studied my face very well before he picked me up and drowned me in relief. He pulled back, not very far but far enough, and a pained sigh came from him.

"Your face." Sebastian brushed his fingertips over my hairline, pushing back the hair that was in my face. The way his eyes looked over each bruise and each newly formed yet temporary imperfection harbored anger.

"I'm fine." I said, looking away from his gaze. "I'm here now, and you're here now, and that's that."

"It's not fine. They'll come back." Sebastian said, pulling me against his chest again. He tucked my head under his chin, his arms holding me with a grip of reassurance. "They were meant to hold a contract."

"So he said." I said against his breast bone. The way his arms shifted, I could tell he was agitated. I continued. "The contractor's name is Spider."

"Was that all the Bek said?"

"If I remember correctly, yes." I let my eyes close. My right one was swollen at least a little bit, and it felt better if I didn't try to make it stay open. "I want to look into them. I want you to find me newspapers over the last year regarding missing individuals who have not been found."

"Yes sir." Sebastian rubbed my back gently and soothing. "Would you like anything as I do that?"

"Something sweet to eat. I don't care what." I pulled back from Sebastian, swinging my feet over the side of the bed. He stood up and said something along the lines of yes or right away, and he left the room after one last gaze at me.

After inspecting my arms and legs for wounds (I had a respectable size and red grape colored bruise on the soft part of my left thigh) I sat down in the chair in front of the small desk in the corner of the room. I took out a piece of parchment and began to write.

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_As my fiance, I would like to inform you that I must not have contact with you from this point on until things can be sorted out. It has nothing to do with you, in fact, it's part of my job as Her Majesty's watch person. My own personal life is in danger, and I would prefer if your life is safe. I will send another letter when this entire circumstance is over. Please understand that I love you and I hope you can understand. _

_With Love,_

_Ciel Phantomhive_

I read the letter several times as the ink dried. It was a hard decision to make, as I wanted to keep my supposed-to-be relationship steady. But it was for the best. I made it alive only because I had had a careless Bek watch over me with the luck of chance and coincidence. If Elizabeth came up missing, I could never forgive myself. As her cousin and fiance, it was my duty to keep her safe from the real world. I didn't want her to become like Amanda, the girl that I had watched being defiled. The thought of that was sickening.

Inside the envelope I put the letter, pausing before I sealed it. Along side the letter I slipped in her golden locket that I remembered. Elizabeth had left it the last time that she was here after showing me that it was our photo on the inside. I would want her to have that in case something happened to me, of course. I sealed the envelope closed with some wax, and wrote her name on the outside.

I wrapped my bathrobe around my shoulders and tied a knot at my hips with the fabric, taking the letter down to the study to be mailed when the wax dried completely. I heard Sebastian muffled downstairs, and I went down to see why he was talking. I peeked down through the railing to see Arthur Randall standing in the lobby speaking with Sebastian. "-And I remembered seeing them on the maid that works here. Do they belong to her?"

"Indeed so. Although, she isn't here at the moment." Sebastian said, taking something from him. From the way he stood I couldn't see what they were.

"Would you have any idea why they would be on the concrete rather than on the bridge of her nose?" Randall said.

"No. Although, there was a small incident that was resolved recently. Perhaps she is involved as well."

"I see." Sebastian handed the object, whatever it was, back. "Well, as you know, certainly, the earl is someone highly respected in the field of criminal justices, and I would be more than blessed to work a case out with and for him if needed."

"I shall inform him of so." Sebastian said. "Thank you very much for stopping by." I could hear the small push in his voice.

"Of course. Anytime." Randall nodded. "I will call when more information arises regarding." And with that, he turned and left. Sebastian shut the door behind him.

"It isn't polite to eavesdrop, my lord." Sebastian said, turning around and making eye contact with me. His mouth was turned slightly into a smile.

"You were going to tell me anyways." I defended, standing straight and coming down the steps. An amused expression filled Sebastian's face. "What was found?"

"Mey Rin's glasses. They were found, luckily, by Mr. Yard." Sebastian said, gesturing for me to follow him into the kitchen so he could finish making me my snack.

"How do they know they're hers?" I asked, following.

"The crack in the lens. It matches the same one found in pictures that were taken of her."

"She never takes them off." I said, walking past him when he opened the door for me to walk into the kitchen. It was cleaned up, with the hanging rack fixed back into place and the wallpaper sealed as if nothing was there before. "Would Bek take her even if she wasn't part of the contact?"

"Perhaps so. I have no experience closely to them, as I never failed to pull out." I didn't know what he meant by that, so I let it go. "They are much more heartless than demons such as I."

"Funny how you say that." I said, watching him resume cooking. He was making me a cake of some sort.

"How do you reckon that, if I may ask?" Sebastian seemed amused by my comment.

"You're self proclaimed, is all." I shrugged, helping myself to a ripe, halved strawberry from the green dish.

"I think most people beg to differ."

"Most people are religious, don't forget."

"So, if you were religious, would you believe me?" Sebastian watched me as I chewed the strawberry thoughtfully.

"If I were religious, we wouldn't be having this conversation." I swallowed. "If I were religious, I would be dead and gone."

"How do you figure that?" Sebastian asked, rerolling his sleeves up.

"Don't you remember how you found me?" I asked. "I was already as good as dead."

"Real men don't kill their slaves." Sebastian said.

"They weren't men. They were cowards."

"I suppose you're correct in that statement." Sebastian nodded slightly, handing me a spoon with a little bit of white icing on it. It was silent after that, me watching him continue to whisk the icing together and him watching me lap the icing. It was good, meeting my needs completely when I said something sweet.

"Sebastian?" I asked. When he responded I continued with my second question, "Do you need me for anything other than my soul?" I heard him snort softly. He turned his back to me to put the batter into the pan and the pan into the oven.

"Honestly, you're such a child sometimes." Sebastian mused. After he hooked the latch on the oven, he turned to lean his elbows on the island across from me. "To answer your question, yes."

"Like what?"

"Full of questions today, I see." Sebastian smiled softly.

"Well, I mean, your ego is bigger than the earth itself so I don't think you need me for that." I accused.

"I need you for all kinds of things. I need you to keep my place as a demon. I need you to practice my patience. I need you to keep myself busy." He started, his gaze resting on the bowl of strawberries. He was silent for a while, but I could see him thinking. I was correct, because after a long minute he spoke again. "I need you to taste my cooking. I can't taste things anymore, my taste is long gone. I need you to feel my affection. I can't give my 'love' to anything anymore, my 'love' is long gone. I need you to remind me that no matter how many times you put yourself into danger, your safety is much more important. I can't care if I get hurt anymore, my own self caring is long gone."

If I was emotional I could imagine that I would be tearing up. "Oh Sebastian." I said quietly. He looked up at me, and he smiled softly before he gave me another strawberry.

"And that, too. I need you to call my name. It makes me feel important."


	18. Chapter 18

Many times when I was alone I found myself thinking about the Bek. My eyes would play tricks on me, and when I would turn my head or look at something for too long, in the corner of my eye I would see their cold heartless eyes gazing into me. But if I looked directly into the area that I had sworn I saw them, they were gone. It left me in a state of panic more than once. Sebastian never made my worries better, checking out of windows or behind furniture when he would pass by them more frequently than before. As if I didn't notice. I had spent four years watching his patterns, and a sudden change was obvious to me.

Thankfully, there were articles on missing persons. However, because not all of them were Bek cases, Sebastian and I set a date to sit and read through them. We kept that promise on a lonely Saturday night, while the rain struck the house like pebbles and the wind whispered lonesome howls at the brick. Sebastian and I sat around a round game table, two candles lit. The candelabra's silver finished glared only half as bright as the flames, and the flames danced like our quills on the newspapers. Silence between us was not uncommon, especially when one of us would believe we would have something. Besides that, it was the scratch of the quills that kept a conversation.

I pulled the cotton blankets around my shoulders a little tighter, re-dipping the tip into the ink. "Have you found any yet?" I asked, glancing at him. Sebastian looked up at me after he finished reading another line.

"No. Have you?" I shook my head at his question. A soft sigh came from my pursed lips.

"This is too tedious." I said. "I'm fourteen newspapers away from finishing my pile and nothing. They've all been found at a later date. I thought I had asked you to sort this out already."

"My apologies." Sebastian said. "I was distracted."

"By what?" I furrowed my eyebrows. It was rare that Sebastian would do something that wasn't to the nine.

"As you remember on Wednesday, Mey Rin was missing along with the others, and they have yet to be found. Although your request was my priority, I can't completely allow their disappearances to go unnoticed." I did remember. Her glasses had been found.

"Do you think Bek took them?" I asked. I sat back, setting the quill down on the table. I wish I had enough extra funds to buy one of those pens that was recently patented. But not this month, as it had went to repairing and replacing things that were broken or taken by the first Bek encounter in my home.

"I would not be surprised." Sebastian answered, and his face expressed is honesty. I watched him in the candle light. "Where had you last seen Bardroy and Finnian?"

"I sent them to get a few drinks." I admitted. "The night of the festival."

"Which bar did they enter?" His voice changed to a solemn tone.

"I don't recall. I remember where I stood, though. It was near the square, the one with the fountain." I said. Sebastian stood up, and he left the room suddenly, leaving me alone. My gaze lingered on the candle. I didn't try to stop him.

When he returned, he had my winter coat in hand and my shoes in the other. He himself had one his outing coat, buttoned to the second button. "Put your coat on." Sebastian said, handing it to me as he kneeled. He took my foot in his hand, pulling on my shoes. I recognized them as the shoes I had worn during the Jack the Ripper case. Of course, that was two or so years ago, and they were a little small. My toes curled slightly to make room and make them fit as he began to lace them. "You're going to show me, alright?"

"It's late." I said in surprise. "It's almost eleven."

"The importance that this plays into the discovery of the servants and of the Bek people is too crucial. Unless, you want to back out of a case that you had opened yourself." His hands paused, and he looked up at me. "You can say that you don't want to continue. But that means you lose, and you're going to lose, everyone. Elizabeth, the servants, and perhaps even me."

"Don't say things like that. They aren't true." I said, but I wasn't positive.

"I had vowed never to do a simple petty thing such as lie, didn't I?" Sebastian questioned. "Now, you must decide right now. Would you like to continue, or would you like to go to bed like you should have done hours ago and forget this entire thing?"

I didn't hesitate. "I want to continue."

Sebastian's smile wasn't one of amusement, it was more or less out of smugness that he knew my answer. "As you wish, my lord." He said, and he began to stuff my other foot into the shoe.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I lead him down the avenue that I remembered the dancing, and I stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. I played it all out in my head: me handing the money to the two, the words that came from my mouth, the hesitation in Finnian's step. Finally I began to walk again as if I was following the two into the bar. I stopped when my hand touched the tinted glass of the bar they had walked in.

"Here. They went into here." I said, turning to look at Sebastian. "Then I walked down that way, and I went into Cecil's bar." I gestured down the road in the direction I walked. "When we left people were mostly gone."

"We?"

"Cecil walked me home." I said, backing up to see what the sign on the bar said. It read Coleherne. Judging from the kerosene lamps outside, they were still open, much like what Cecil's Bar schedule ran. It was open all the time.

Sebastian sighed softly, pursing his lips slightly. It was hard to read his face in the light. "I suppose it was a silly mistake on their part." He said. His hair was stuck to his face from the light rain, just like mine. It wasn't cold, it was just wet.

"Why?"

"Coleherne is a well known bar for two things; death, and homosexuality."

I looked at the door again from looking at his face. "Are we going in?" I asked. It was hard to see inside. Sebastian didn't answer me at first. I moved my gaze to look at him. Never before had he not answer me right away. "Sebastian?"

"I don't want you to go in." Sebastian said. "It's too dangerous."

"I'm not a little kid." I began to defend, but I was quickly hushed by him as he leaned down to my height.

"It isn't because of your age. Quite contrarily, I believe more would be accomplished if you went in with me." Sebastian took my face between his gloved hands. "It's because if something happened to you, now, with the state that you're in, I am afraid that you wouldn't make it."

"Are you calling me a wimp?" I said angrily.

"Look at you, Ciel." Sebastian's voice was soft. "You have a black eye. You have hundreds of wounds over your fragile body. You're mentally and physically exhausted." His thumb gently rubbed my cheek. "You couldn't fight for yourself."

"That's why you're here. To protect me." I said quietly. It seemed appropriate to be quiet.

"When you're dealing with these people, with these situations, there are times where I am not able to." Sebastian looked over my face, before he gently pressed his lips against my forehead and then pulled me against him. He sighed softly. "You kill me, young master, you really do." He took my hand in his.

"I can go down to Cecil's bar." I said. "I was there before, the company is nice. It's not too far away."

"I suppose so. I would rather you be in the care of other humans than left alone." With his free hand he gently pet my hair once, and he walked me down to the only other bar in Earl's Court.

Sebastian explained to Cecil what was happening. They were very good friends, and by that I mean Sebastian could stand her enough to talk to her with ease. Cecil adored Sebastian, and not because he was attractive (which was the reason many people spoke to him only) but because he had so many times put himself on the line for me. Like everyone else she had no idea of the real reason he did that; he was saving the meal for another day.

Cecil smiled softly when he explained with some story that he had errands to run, and with the servants out and about he felt better if I was there. To my dismay he told her he would be furious if he discovered I was drinking again, and she nodded lightly in agreement. Sebastian didn't give me a second look as he turned heel and left. That hurt.

"Did he wake you up?" Cecil asked me. I lied and nodding slightly, rubbing my eye for show.

"Yeah." I said, throwing in a fake yawn. Cecil smiled softly, patting my hand.

"Would you like to lay in the back? There's a room with nothing in it that you could lay down in if you wanted to. I won't tell anyone you're back there." She asked. I nodded. It would give me a chance to collect my thoughts and, who knows? Maybe I would be able to sleep off some of the time. Cecil led me to the room that she was talking about. It wasn't the cleanest room that I had ever seen but it was alright. The only thing in it was a small airbed that was inflated halfway. I looked at her questioningly. She smiled halfheartedly. "For when I don't want to walk home." She said.

I laid down after taking my shoes and coat off. It wasn't terribly cold, but she gave me a spring blanket that I wrapped around myself. She lit a small table candle and placed it across the room from me so I wouldn't been in total darkness. I thanked her and she bid me goodnight before going back to work. Within a few minutes I could have been driven mad, and I was, with thoughts of Sebastian.

I hope he's okay.

I wonder if he's thinking of me.

What if he gets hurt?

What if I never see him again?

How would I take care of myself?

It was maddening. Every time I tried to block out my own thoughts, they would just sneak back. I hated myself for it, suddenly. I couldn't live by myself anymore. Everything I did had to revolve around him, that stupid demon. I wouldn't be in this situation if it wasn't for him. I was better off dead. All I did was cause trouble for him. He was raising me like some kind of show horse, grooming me and showing me off. What kind of life was that to live? Stupid bastard. All he ever wanted was to make me into a perfect nobleman. I didn't want that. I wasn't perfect, and I never was! How dare he! I hope he didn't return!

My eyes opened at that last thought. I felt disgusting suddenly. How could I have thought that? Of course I hoped he came back. I wouldn't be here, alive, without him. What has gotten into me? Those couldn't have been my thoughts. No, they couldn't. Maybe it was best if I wasn't left alone, I decided. I brought the blanket with me as I leaned down and blew out the candle, and darkness enveloped me.

I found my way to the door. I was quiet as I shut it behind me, coming out into the open. Cecil looked back at me. "Darling, couldn't you sleep? Never-mind that. I wouldn't be able to, either." I pulled the blanket down a little bit, taking a seat against the wall on the floor. I rested my chin on my knees, using the blanket as some kind of cocoon around me.

I yawned softly, closing my eyes to the chatter of people and clinking of glasses. I used it as background noise, playing with the blanket a little bit as I wrote apologies to Sebastian in my head, using my own disgust as ink.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

I don't know how long I was in there, but finally Sebastian returned. I was more than excited to see him, but I held my excitement as we were in public. He himself looked pretty exhausted. He didn't bother to ask where I was, as he peered over the counter. Sebastian smiled very softly down at me. "Young master." he said, slightly amused. I stood up, swaying slightly when I stood up too fast. Cecil held me steady as I regained my balance, and I moved through the waist high swinging door to greet him.

"Did it go well?" I asked him. He thanked Cecil for her time, who nodded and said no problem, before he lead me out of the bar.

"It depends what your definitely of well is." Sebastian said. "As a good news, I found the two that we had lost. They're at home, resting, which they will be doing quiet a lot of if their stories are real."

I didn't question further, for now. "What's the bad news?"

"The bad news is, they have no idea where Mey Rin is." Sebastian sighed gently. "They were shocked when I said she was missing."

"Where were they?" I asked, referring to Bard and Finny.

"Coleherne apparently houses Bek." Sebastian said, taking off the bandana that was on his left side pocket of his coat. "The basement – its used as a type of sales-place for people captured. It's underground, even to the Bek, as-"

"They have to follow a covenant. Yes, I know." I said. "So, was any damage done to them?"

"Physical labor." Sebastian said simply, "Unless they went as far as to practice the homosexual events that go along with the place. But they said nothing of such. However, they were completely nude, along with the others that were being put for sale."

"I suppose they can answer quite a few questions once they rest and recover." I said, and I began to walk. I realized I had left my shoes in the backroom when I stepped in a puddle. I tched.

Sebastian picked me up in his arms, holding me close and reassured me by kissing my forehead. "Just rest. I'll get them tomorrow. Sleep." I sighed softly into his chest, letting my eyes close. I indeed was tired. Before the time we even stepped foot onto the property I fell asleep, left to dream of nothing but Sebastian.

((AN: Happy Thanksgiving to all of the American readers! Please remember to review, as it helps my motive to write and update.))


	19. Chapter 19

The next morning ritual was the same as hundreds before it. I was dressed and groomed as a noble was to be, my shoes polished accordingly and the knot to my eye-patch tied to a perfect bow. Breakfast was waiting for me in the dining room, and my daily activities would wait after that.

"I would like to speak to Bardroy and Finnian after breakfast." I said, tilting my head as Sebastian finished tying the last bow around my collar. "If, however, they're in a state to do so."

"Of course, my lord." Sebastian said, kissing the top of my head before he pulled back. "Would you like me to be present as you question them?"

"I suppose not. They always seem skiddish around you." I shot a look at him, to which he smiled his usual smirk.

"I would wonder why." He said, opening the door for me.

"You're a bastard, that's why." I muttered under my breath, and I heard him chuckle.

"Every inch."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

After breakfast, which proceeded as normal, I went down the hallway I rarely traveled to their quarters. Thankfully there were enough rooms that Mey Rin could have her own room, the two males shared, a shared bathroom, and a lounge type room was able to be set aside for them. It was nice that it worked out that way, as it kept them out of my hair most times when there was nothing to be done around the house (or rather, Sebastian shooed them away so they wouldn't make a mess of things). Those rooms took up most of the hallway, with two rooms leftover for storage. They were more or less empty closets. One was filled with old letters and business assignments, and the other.. well, even I had no clue what was in there. I left it there for their use.

When I entered their lounge, Bard was sitting rigidly on the edge of the blue stool that sat near the piano, and Finnian was standing by the window. When Bard looked up at me, he stood in respect. I gently waved it off. "Sit, sit." I said, shutting the door behind me. I felt some sort of sympathy to them. It was probably horrific to deal with Bek, or even be held captured in some kind of homosexual human trafficking.

When Bard resumed his sitting and Finnian sat on the piano bench, I took a seat on the faded flower-print sofa. I only glanced around the room – which was nicely decorated, I would admit – before I looked at the two. I began with, "I'm sure over the course of the previous days you've been severely confused and puzzled about what you've seen and what you've experienced." I paused to watch the expressions on their face. "So, I want to hear. As you know, Mey Rin has also gone missing, and what you'll tell me is going to be crucial to finding her. I'll also be asking questions regarding things about her. If at any time you feel awkward or you're bothered by the questions, just remember that it's for the better of the situation." I let that sink in for a moment or two, before I continued. "Now, which one of you would like to begin?"

Bard glanced at Finnian, before he said, "I will." I nodded as a prompt. "When we went to get drinks, it was crowded in the bar. When we ordered Finny told me that he had a bad feeling about this place, but I told him to not worry and that you would know what you're doing. We got our drinks and we sat down at a table and we began to drink – we sat near a window to keep an eye on you, but you were gone – and Finny said he wasn't feeling too good. I didn't either after he said that. I don't remember what happened after that, it's a blur, but when I woke up I was alone by myself."

I interrupted, "Did you say you woke up?" When he nodded, I asked, "Did you fall unconscious?"

"I s'pose so, sir." Bard nodded again. He continued, "I didn't have nothing on. It was a small room and it smelled real bad. I don't know how long I was in there but then some short person came in and lead me to another room. There were other people in there, but I didn't recognize any of them. Some of them looked like they had been there for a long time. Most of them had some kind of wounds, from bruises to open cuts. It was dark, and we didn't talk to each other. One talked to himself, talking about the people with no eyes. We ignored him, though, or tried to. He was obviously crazy. I don't know how long we were there, either, but we were brought to another room. It was really busy, with mostly men in suits and colored handkerchiefs tied around their belt loops. It was smoky and many were smoking, and that room smelled pretty bad too. But that's when I was placed next to Finny, and he looked worse than I did." He looked over at Finnian, who was staring at the ground next to his feet. "They started auctioning us off like cattle. They started to get to us, and I noticed that Mr. Sebastian was there. I didn't say nothing though. I knew he was there to help us, and I didn't want to ruin it, so I just looked at the ground and listened to what was happening. Next thing I knew Sebastian was telling us to hurry up and follow him, and I didn't look back. It was smoky up the stairs, too, and it smelled like an open roast. And then we were in Mr. Sebastian's care."

I nodded. It was a lot to take in. After a few moments of silence, I looked away from him and I turned my gaze to Finnian. I could tell that he really didn't like to talk about things that happened to him, and if I was him I would be awkward as well. I said, "You're excuse, Bard. Thank you for your information." I glanced at Bard as he left with one more look to Finnian. The closing of the door made Finnian look up at me. "Bard said that you and him were separated. I know his story about what happened to him. I would like to know what happened to you as well."

Finnian didn't speak at first. I was patient. He finally spoke, long minutes passing. "When I woke up I tried to fight them. I wasn't alone, I was with many others. I guess when they put me under their drug I started to fight them, and they were making a point out of me. I didn't have anything on either. Then they started to say all kinds of things – things I refuse to say in front of you young master – but they regarded their um, homosexual viewpoints." He hesitated, but continued, "I managed to survive selection. And then when Bard was brought in, the story is the same." His gaze had shifted away from me.

"Were the other people only male?"

"No, there was one lady."

"Was she unclothed as well?" Finnian shook his head frantically.

"No sir. She had her clothes on."

"Did they say what they were going to do to her?"

"They said they were going to take her to Vere Street." There. That's where Mey Rin would be.

"Alright. Thank you Finnian." I said, standing up. He nodded, watching me. "You're free to continue your day." I left the room, letting the door close behind me as I began to look for Sebastian. I passed his room near the end of the hall, and I paused as I heard him talking. Furrowing my eyebrows, I knocked on the door.

Sebastian opened the door moments later. His gaze had went from above my head down to me, and I assumed he thought it was one of the servants looking for him. I noticed a thin layer of white over his shoulder. I reached up and wiped it off. "That's cat hair." I accused.

"Young Master, I can explain." He began, but I shook my head.

"No. I don't care. Finnian gave a lead to where Mey Rin would be."


	20. Chapter 20

"This is humiliating." The first words out of my mouth when I stepped in front of the mirror. Once more, I had to dress up like a woman to make ourselves look believable enough to get into a place. Instead of the formal dress that I had worn last time, Sebastian had found one similar that he had ripped the bottom to shreds to make it 'appear that I had struggled'. The teal color definitely didn't suit what I had wanted to wear (believe it or not) but Sebastian had told me I wouldn't be wearing it for long if what he thought they were going to do was right.

"Your pride has suffered worse, I'm sure." Sebastian said lightly, combing through the extensions he had snapped to the roots of my hair painfully. "Since wearing a hat isn't the most logical explanation of covering the covenant, I would like permission to apply makeup to the area to make it appear as if it's become swollen, so you can close it."

"I'm not wearing makeup!" I protested, but Sebastian began to explain.

"It's either that, or you'll have to allow me to do it realistically. And I would like to not have to hurt you more than you've already suffered." I crossed my arms, but I disliked that option more than the first one.

"Fine." I tried to ignore the smirking smile that shown at me through the mirror.

"Wonderful. We'll leave soon."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Vera Street matched the rest of its surroundings well. Just like the rest of the street, it looked old, run down, and generally just abandoned. But I knew, and Sebastian knew, exactly what was going on. Well, close enough to it.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Sebastian asked.

"Having second thoughts?" I retorted. "That isn't like you, backing out."

"I don't particularly like putting you into danger, contrary to popular belief." Sebastian said, and I sensed a hint of agitation.

"If you believe so." I shrugged slightly. "Now, do you actually have a plan?"

"What kind of butler would I be if I didn't have one?" Sebastian asked me, and I rolled my eyes gently. "We'll go in, see what it's about, kill the Bek and save the women."

"And what if Mey Rin isn't in here?" I asked, looking up at him from watching the building. "Or what if she's dead?"

"Then so be it." Sebastian said lightly. His eyes looked down at me, catching my gaze before I looked back at Vera Street. I nodded slightly, and I held out my arm.

"Well. Here goes nothing, I suppose." I sighed softly, and when I felt Sebastian begin to pull me to the building, I fought against him. His grip on my arm was surprisingly real, and it was easy for me to get into character. Soon I forgot that I was Ciel Phantomhive, and rather I was a girl plucked from the street and I had no idea why I was here.

Sebastian probably saw someone through the window, and instead of dragging me, hoisted me up over his shoulder. I drummed my fists against his back, kicking my legs, repeating the same phrase of, 'Let go!' and 'Put me down!' I heard the small jingle of the customer bell, and saw the dusty bar floor and the glass door in my sight. People were talking quietly, and it was dark to my human eyes. I tried to be as observatory as possible to recall details at a later date.

It all became realistic as Sebastian flipped me back over, not very gentle as I landed on my back on a table. I forced myself not to cling to Sebastian for comfort, as I felt cold hands forced my own arms behind my back and tie some sort of burlap-feeling material around my slender wrists. This was it; I was rendered completely defenseless.

"Age?" I heard a Bek ask Sebastian. Calmly he told them I was twelve, and my name was Sabina. I could work with that, I guess. "Which covenant?"

"Vivat resistentiam." I heard Sebastian say darkly, and I was hoisted up as the Bek chuckled.

"Ah. Vivat resistentiam, my friend." He said in return, throwing me over his shoulder. I caught a glimpse of Sebastian as I was taken away. For a moment, I believed I was actually being given away and that it wasn't by a plan, from the way Sebastian looked at me.

The downstairs of the bar was much like the previous one, from what the two had described, with hallways labeled with Latin words. I picked out ones like "white" and "black", and I really didn't know what that meant in regards to sorting. I was carried down the 'white' hallway, and was stripped to only the bare undergarments before I was pushed with the others. The air was sticky and humid, and it smelled something awful, like something died.

I looked at the women that were there, most of which were more bare than I was. But I didn't see Mey Rin. Of course not, that would be too easy.

I sat in that humid and god-awful smelling room for longer than I would have cared to admit. Girls were brought in and out of the area, but none that were brought were Mey Rin. I began to doubt my own intuition that she was here as time passed on. But it wasn't long after my doubts began that she was brought in.

She wasn't completely nude, only her top half, but she looked like she had taken quite a beating. Honestly, it disgusted me that someone would hurt a woman in such a way. It really did. Nonetheless, she sat down across the room from where I sat, arms crossed over her chest. I crawled over to her as to not make noise, and I leaned close to her face.

"Young master-" she began, recognizing my face. I shook my head, holding a finger up to her busted lip.

"Shh. Be quiet. Sebastian will be here soon." I whispered.

"You came for me." She whispered back, glancing at the other girls before she looked at me.

"Of course I did." I furrowed my eyebrows a little bit. Why wouldn't have I come for her?

"Where are Bard and Finni? Are they alright?" She began to ask, but I nodded and held up my finger again.

"You have to be quiet." I repeated, shifting to sit down next to her. Mey Rin nodded slightly, watching me before she looked ahead. I hoped Sebastian would be here soon.

((AN: Sorry for the really late update!))


	21. Chapter 21

It wasn't long before I saw Sebastian again. He had a mask covering the top half of his face, the same mask from the escapade with Viscount Druitt. If he had used a different mask, I wouldn't have recognized him. I didn't alert Mey Rin that he was here, as to keep her reactions as real as possible. We really hadn't come up with a plan on what we were going to do. It was more or less 'winging it' as Sebastian liked to say, or rather, we would do whatever we felt necessary.

The auction began with the girl on the furthest side of the room. Surprisingly they used money to bargain, but in various types such as pesos, dollars, and pounds. As they went down the line I learned what each money type would translate into. 15 pesos equaled a dollar, and a dollar was roughly a pound sterling. I just listened quietly, watching Sebastian out of the corner of my eye, and as time passed and the auction came closer to me, I became more worried that he wasn't going to do anything.

By the time it was Mey Rin's turn, I was desperately trying to get his attention without giving myself away. But he wouldn't even so much as look at me. Rather, he watched Mey Rin be hauled by the leading Bek up to the center of the room. I personally didn't take my time to stare, as I thought it was completely improper to watch a nude woman be auctioned off. This is it, I thought to myself, he's going to do something. Sebastian didn't.

Next it was my turn after Mey Rin sat back down, a white sticker with a name on it on her bosom to whomever offered the most amount of money. Their grip was tight and the very opposite of gentle, their fingers digging into the soft of my arm as they pulled me up. I didn't bother trying to fight against them, because the last girl who did was beaten in front of everyone. I heard the prices go up and up, and still, Sebastian said nothing. Internally I was completely frightened about why he wasn't doing anything.

I don't know how long I was silent before I couldn't take it. They were about to label me property, and I shut my eyes tightly. "Sebastian, do something!"

I heard a soft chuckle, and almost next to my ear; "Yes, my lord."


End file.
